I choose magic

I had a crazy couple of weeks of random frustration from all angles, the kind of annoyances that tend to make people shake their fists at the sky.  I refuse to let that overwhelm me. I refuse to lose the ability to smile, the tendency to be kind.  I remind myself of Rudy Francisco's "Complainers," and that shuts me up. :)  Today, after fighting (and winning) a silly battle with a lying FedEx deliverer, I needed to take the dogs out to walk. *I* need to walk -  I needed to be in nature.  We were in a meadow, came up a small hill, and a large deer stood looking upon us.  He didn't move, he didn't twitch or look perturbed. He gazed. He did not run.  I stood. On my soft command, the dogs lay down at my feet.  Another, smaller, deer came from behind the foliage.  For minutes, we simply enjoyed eye contact with the other.  The deer chewing quietly, the dogs relaxed and watching, me... feeling the magic.  No matter how crazy the world gets, I will choose the magic.  I will choose to see the blessings. These deer knew, they knew we were no danger. They sensed the safety.  May I always be a safe presence for anyone around me, regardless of who hurts me or breaks my faith in mankind. May I never become hardened. 

(Plus, in the midst of all the petty bs, there were lots of other moments to be grateful for. Love, respect, friendship, joy...)

Carrying digital debris,

bruised and battered by ghost-like foes.

Mind calloused from the friction

of a petty world,

villains motivated by ego and greed.

Every day a new battle, a new lie,

a wall to slam against.

Weary, I walk into the grey day.

But I carry wonder over and in my soul—

an armor, feather-light, it’s mithril!

Shielding my heart from the stabs

of goblins and those they serve.

Love is my dagger, glowing blue

when the lying Orc approaches,

warning me, preparing me for fight...

Or flight.

And here—

here in the meadow, grace abounded.

The velvet thunder of my giant hounds

stilled as they laid down,

acquiescing to the sovereignty

of our antlered encounter.

No fear. Only trust.

In silence, we drank in

the company of the others.

Let the analysts reduce it.

Let the liars keep their screens.

I choose the magic.

I choose peace and beauty.

I choose to meet the world

unhardened, and wholly my own. 

When life is heavy

When your head is heavy. 

And your milk has been spilled

When Murphy’s law 

Is overwhelmingly fulfilled

When you need a break 

But there is none in sight 

Lean your weight on me

I’ll help make your load light 

When the day has gone dark 

And you stumble, you fall 

Darling, just reach out 

I’m the one to call 

When you need a friend 

And you’ve been feeling alone 

You need look no further

I’ll be your home 

Some days are hard

The minutes chew us all up

The hours spit us out

Broken slivers on the ground 

Hold my hand 

While we work it out 

I’ll put you back together

Until you are safe and whole  

Reset restore

 You are my reset at the end of a long day 

My restart restore 

You help me clear the cookies 

Wipe the cache of all the randomness that fills my RAM 

And makes me run so slow 

With you I

Purge the corrupt code 

Resolve my 404 errors 

Reconnect me to what is real  

You’ve known me since this 

System was being built 

You’ve seen the software

That didn’t keep its promises

If I need a factory reset

It is you that will take inventory 

And ensure I restore 

Only the programs  that truly matter 

Dappled Light

You are dappled light

Muted shadows shifting on the forest floor 

Beams of light filtering through the green canopy 

Your face shifting with emotion 

Changing like the patterns

That play among the ferns and ground pine 

The wind blows, ruffling boughs 

Leaves fluttering, sunlight breaking through 

I could never tire of the dynamic 

Yet so soothing wonder 

Of who you are now 

And who you were 

And who you will become 

Let me just wander with you  

The dappled light playing

On my skin 

Irrelevant

 Wild activation 

Chemicals surging 

Drawing a connection 

Of toxic immensity 

Attaching to 

Physical fireworks 

Emotional tug of war

False familiarity 

Built on traumas of 

Long ago 

Hooked on a pattern

Of believing in potential 

Reading the danger yet

Addicted to fight or flight 

Finally choosing flight 

Finally choosing to run 

Choosing freedom 

Choosing the inner maiden 

Abandoning chase 

And the treats left in 

That trap 

Become …

Irrelevant 

Discovering safety 

Controlling the narrative 

Embracing healthy 

Vulnerability with an 

Unclenched jaw 

Ready to show up 

Open heart, open hands 

Steady pulse 

Resiliency is more than 

A  trophy on the shelf 

That says “I have overcome”

It is a testament 

Running in my blood 

Attaching to 

Passionate 

Self-awareness 

Value that is 

Unquestioned 

Seen, heard

Known 

Nothing

When it became 

Nothing—

An amused recognition

Upon noticing that

The anger

The shame

The embarrassment 

Even the loss

And all the mourning 

Had transformed 

Themselves into 

… nothing 

At least not anything 

Recognizable 

Even complaint 

And bemoaning of 

Seven years

No, not lost 

They became 

Part of this 

Internal construction 

The project of

Creating “me”

From tragedies 

And traumas  

Just as much 

As through joys

And successes 

And to a poet 

How much sweeter 

The tale 

When from the 

Wreckage 

Is built the 

Shining tower 

Look

This is how one makes

Something from 

Nothing 

Done

There came the realization

Not dramatically

Nor with surprise  

I’m done 

No wistful nostalgia 

For a lingering memory

Nor ruminating over

Old wounds 

I see that my 

Scars are white

They tell stories, yes

But like fables 

There is a lesson 

Learned 

And that golden moral

Resides inside my heart 

The cautionary tales - 

I’ll tell them 

To myself when 

Red flags start to fly 

But even 

Schadenfreude

Escapes me 

There is no space 

To waste 

To gloat 

Over anything at all 

To do with him

He’s only words

My fingers purge 

And clear 

His clutter 

From my soul 

I’m over it  and 

Like the song

Changed my number

Cut him off

He’s just 

Somebody that 

I used 

To know