Irrelevant

 Wild activation 

Chemicals surging 

Drawing a connection 

Of toxic immensity 

Attaching to 

Physical fireworks 

Emotional tug of war

False familiarity 

Built on traumas of 

Long ago 

Hooked on a pattern

Of believing in potential 

Reading the danger yet

Addicted to fight or flight 

Finally choosing flight 

Finally choosing to run 

Choosing freedom 

Choosing the inner maiden 

Abandoning chase 

And the treats left in 

That trap 

Become …

Irrelevant 

Discovering safety 

Controlling the narrative 

Embracing healthy 

Vulnerability with an 

Unclenched jaw 

Ready to show up 

Open heart, open hands 

Steady pulse 

Resiliency is more than 

A  trophy on the shelf 

That says “I have overcome”

It is a testament 

Running in my blood 

Attaching to 

Passionate 

Self-awareness 

Value that is 

Unquestioned 

Seen, heard

Known 

Nothing

When it became 

Nothing—

An amused recognition

Upon noticing that

The anger

The shame

The embarrassment 

Even the loss

And all the mourning 

Had transformed 

Themselves into 

… nothing 

At least not anything 

Recognizable 

Even complaint 

And bemoaning of 

Seven years

No, not lost 

They became 

Part of this 

Internal construction 

The project of

Creating “me”

From tragedies 

And traumas  

Just as much 

As through joys

And successes 

And to a poet 

How much sweeter 

The tale 

When from the 

Wreckage 

Is built the 

Shining tower 

Look

This is how one makes

Something from 

Nothing 

Done

There came the realization

Not dramatically

Nor with surprise  

I’m done 

No wistful nostalgia 

For a lingering memory

Nor ruminating over

Old wounds 

I see that my 

Scars are white

They tell stories, yes

But like fables 

There is a lesson 

Learned 

And that golden moral

Resides inside my heart 

The cautionary tales - 

I’ll tell them 

To myself when 

Red flags start to fly 

But even 

Schadenfreude

Escapes me 

There is no space 

To waste 

To gloat 

Over anything at all 

To do with him

He’s only words

My fingers purge 

And clear 

His clutter 

From my soul 

I’m over it  and 

Like the song

Changed my number

Cut him off

He’s just 

Somebody that 

I used 

To know 

I had the key

All along

I held the key 

To the cage 

Where

I had locked myself 

Adrenaline is not depth 

Chemistry is not

Connection 

That 

Dopamine spike

Was a fun

Distraction though

The pain soon

Outweighed 

the pleasure

Yet 

I’m thankful 

That pain  

happened

Ripped away 

The falsehoods 

Opened my eyes 

To the bars

That held me

Hurt until 

I realized 

The key was

In my pocket 

With shaking hands 

I set myself free

And ran

Ran home 

To me 

Still shining

I was sunshine

I was fire

Now an accidental

Blip 

Across his screen

The rooms I lit

Are now shadow

But only in

His domain

In my own world

I'm still shining

I'm still burning

Spreading light

Wherever I can

He chose to sit

In his darkness

A sad, a lonely man

I'm not weeping

I'm not pining

That blip

Was a technical

Mistake

It reminded me

Of how I am 

FREE

Burning brightly

Far from his

Dank shade 

Out of his league

He said 

I was out of his league

What did a woman like me

See in him? 

I saw potential 

Oh, if we were in high school

A girl like you

Would never notice me

Or speak to me 

No, I spoke to everyone

But he said I was 

Out of his  league

It turns out, yes

Yes, I was

Because I have integrity 

Values 

Intrinsic kindness 

And he is 

A bigot 

A complainer

An Olympic-level liar 

He’d ask me why

Why did I love him?

It was because I saw 

Who he could be 

But he wasn’t 

That man 

And obviously 

Did not plan to be 

I remembered then 

What Maya said 

“When someone tells 

You who they are 

Believe them “

When I saw, really 

Saw who he was 

The duplicity 

Insecurity

The anger, the hate

How people were 

Disposable to him 

Items to be used 

“Get over on them 

Before they get over on you”

He said 

Innocent, this confused me 

I don’t live in a world

With dirty rules 

That breed inconsistency

I show up

That is of value 

I love deeply 

and recognize 

accountability 

Wait… I saw 

Game over 

I took my things

Packed up my heart 

and left him

To his chaos

When it all caught up 

And snared him 

A rat in a trap

Alone 

I was, indeed

Out of his league