My restart restore
You help me clear my the cookies
Wipe the cache of all the randomness that fills my RAM
And makes me run so slow
With you I
Purge the corrupt code
Resolve my 404 errors
Reconnect me to what is real
You’ve known me since this
System was being built
You’ve seen the software
That didn’t keep its promises
If I need a factory reset
It is you that will take inventory
And ensure I restore
Only the programs that truly matter
You are dappled light
Muted shadows shifting on the forest floor
Beams of light filtering through the green canopy
Your face shifting with emotion
Changing like the patterns
That play among the ferns and ground pine
The wind blows, ruffling boughs
Leaves fluttering, sunlight breaking through
I could never tire of the dynamic
Yet so soothing wonder
Of who you are now
And who you were
And who you will become
Let me just wander with you
The dappled light playing
On my skin
Chemicals surging
Drawing a connection
Of toxic immensity
Attaching to
Physical fireworks
Emotional tug of war
False familiarity
Built on traumas of
Long ago
Hooked on a pattern
Of believing in potential
Reading the danger yet
Addicted to fight or flight
Finally choosing flight
Finally choosing to run
Choosing freedom
Choosing the inner maiden
Abandoning chase
And the treats left in
That trap
Become …
Irrelevant
Discovering safety
Controlling the narrative
Embracing healthy
Vulnerability with an
Unclenched jaw
Ready to show up
Open heart, open hands
Steady pulse
Resiliency is more than
A trophy on the shelf
That says “I have overcome”
It is a testament
Running in my blood
Attaching to
Passionate
Self-awareness
Value that is
Unquestioned
Seen, heard
Known
Nothing—
An amused recognition
Upon noticing that
The anger
The shame
The embarrassment
Even the loss
And all the mourning
Had transformed
Themselves into
… nothing
At least not anything
Recognizable
Even complaint
And bemoaning of
Seven years
No, not lost
They became
Part of this
Internal construction
The project of
Creating “me”
From tragedies
And traumas
Just as much
As through joys
And successes
And to a poet
How much sweeter
The tale
When from the
Wreckage
Is built the
Shining tower
Look
This is how one makes
Something from
Nothing
Not dramatically
Nor with surprise
I’m done
No wistful nostalgia
For a lingering memory
Nor ruminating over
Old wounds
I see that my
Scars are white
They tell stories, yes
But like fables
There is a lesson
Learned
And that golden moral
Resides inside my heart
The cautionary tales -
I’ll tell them
To myself when
Red flags start to fly
But even
Schadenfreude
Escapes me
There is no space
To waste
To gloat
Over anything at all
To do with him
He’s only words
My fingers purge
And clear
His clutter
From my soul
I’m over it and
Like the song
Changed my number
Cut him off
He’s just
Somebody that
I used
To know
I held the key
To the cage
Where
I had locked myself
Adrenaline is not depth
Chemistry is not
Connection
That
Dopamine spike
Was a fun
Distraction though
The pain soon
Outweighed
the pleasure
Yet
I’m thankful
That pain
happened
Ripped away
The falsehoods
Opened my eyes
To the bars
That held me
Hurt until
I realized
The key was
In my pocket
With shaking hands
I set myself free
And ran
Ran home
To me
