Magnetism

Action at a distance confounds me

Same as Isaac Newton

And even he could not explain

Invisible tethers across

 An empty space

How can we be in alignment

When we are so very different

Yet when you are near me

Toroidal loops are sweeping

Me into your web

Drawn into your presence

Every nerve on high alert

My skin sensing your skin

Crying out to touch

The physics of resonance

Hardwired attraction

I am helpless

My fingers seek to run

Through your hair

I pull away, I want safety

Yet chaos tells me

Polarity cannot be

Isolated

You are north, I am south

Mirrored

Somehow exploiting yet 

Aligning to protect

Our vulnerabilities

Are you iron?

Am I a lodestone? 

Electrified, magnetized

When you wrapped your arms

Around me and taught

Me self-defense

But it's the tangle of you and I

That I need to defend against

Because if your leg touches mine

I might disorient

And pull to your north

This terrifying magnetism

The gravity of longing

Wavering in the static

Holding my breath against its power

Is my self-preservation

Strong enough to resist?

You called me honey

Casually

You called me honey 

Seeing the worry in my eyes 

Your words reached out

With the warmth of a hug 

These caressed my ears

With unspoken stewardship

Remembering the first time 

With shaking hands 

You stood at my door 

Cold, bringing me seeds 

Insistent that I take 

The small gift proffered 

Like a wild seed yourself 

The wind had carried you to my porch

With the asters and beggarticks 

Invasive, persistent, naturalizing yourself 

Patiently worked into the soil 

Sometimes impatient for the harvest

Or just for me 

To see the myriad of your acts of care 

Hungry for me to notice and

To care, too — and I do 

Yet can you see the red flags flutter 

In that same wind that carried you here

Red like fire  

And sparks that fly free

Can burn down a house

This fire flares with your frustration 

Why is it I’m so hard to read? Because 

Fear does that, it makes a mask 

Not to hide from you, or trick you

My skin remembers how quickly 

Embers burn and scar 

It shields me from your heat 

I fear being consumed 

Knowing clay, when it is fired 

Never melts again 

But it can break…

So casually you call me

Honey

Make me want to lean in 

Lesser Burdock

Lesser Burdock

Call it wild rhubarb 

Imagining a taste 

That is sour…

But with some sugar added 

Creates a tasty pie, yet…

The name is a tease 

Because the taste is of earth and nuts 

And the wild is the way 

It clings to everything 

Casually you came 

A thorny hitchhiker 

Hitching a ride on my dogs

Finding the soil 

To your liking 

And me? I found you

Rustic, untamed

A velvet anchor in my clay

Not easily uprooted

With an aggressive beauty 

Unapologetic of its presence

Sharp barbs getting in my skin 

Skeletal brown burrs which persist 

Even when I think 

I’ve torn you out 

And  so I found your alchemy 

Medicinal roots that run deep 

A scourge, a healer 

Resilient survivor and 

Sudden nuisance 

Tangling yourself in my hair 

Lesser burdock? 

Nothing less about you 

Fiercely, quietly attaching yourself to me

Long after I thought

I’d walked away alone  

(iykyk)

The puzzle with the missing piece

Once I needed answers 

I needed resolution

I needed the heavy 

Conversations 

Twisting, writhing 

Painful truths 

I was participating in a quest 

For making sense 

Yet I  found that …

Some things are senseless 

Sometimes a puzzle  is  

Missing pieces and so 

One simply must throw 

It away 

My warmth and patience 

Once met hurt and indifference

Kindly, and the missing cooled 

The heat of anger

“Why did you?”

Sent me outward

For understanding 

That never came 

I’m not sure when or how or why but

One day the question changed

And so did my direction 

I’m okay with finding 

My own answers 

Wrestling with 

What access to me 

Is worth 

On this new journey I found 

Freedom, without residual bitterness 

Soft heart, careful life 

Centered, safe - the hurt is gone 

No repair needed

A door that remains shut

Because I closed it 

And threw the key out

Along with that puzzle 

With too many missing pieces 

An October tradition

 A Vagabond Song by Bliss Carmen. 

My father recited this poem to us every October. I carried it forward and recited it to my children every October. In fact, I’ve recited it to all audiences captive in my presence.  I wonder if my grandfather recited it— he was a poet like my dad, like myself,  like my children…

And now, if you have happened across my blog, I will recite it to you. 

I choose magic

I had a crazy couple of weeks of random frustration from all angles, the kind of annoyances that tend to make people shake their fists at the sky.  I refuse to let that overwhelm me. I refuse to lose the ability to smile, the tendency to be kind.  I remind myself of Rudy Francisco's "Complainers," and that shuts me up. :)  Today, after fighting (and winning) a silly battle with a lying FedEx deliverer, I needed to take the dogs out to walk. *I* need to walk -  I needed to be in nature.  We were in a meadow, came up a small hill, and a large deer stood looking upon us.  He didn't move, he didn't twitch or look perturbed. He gazed. He did not run.  I stood. On my soft command, the dogs lay down at my feet.  Another, smaller, deer came from behind the foliage.  For minutes, we simply enjoyed eye contact with the other.  The deer chewing quietly, the dogs relaxed and watching, me... feeling the magic.  No matter how crazy the world gets, I will choose the magic.  I will choose to see the blessings. These deer knew, they knew we were no danger. They sensed the safety.  May I always be a safe presence for anyone around me, regardless of who hurts me or breaks my faith in mankind. May I never become hardened. 

(Plus, in the midst of all the petty bs, there were lots of other moments to be grateful for. Love, respect, friendship, joy...)

Carrying digital debris,

bruised and battered by ghost-like foes.

Mind calloused from the friction

of a petty world,

villains motivated by ego and greed.

Every day a new battle, a new lie,

a wall to slam against.

Weary, I walk into the grey day.

But I carry wonder over and in my soul—

an armor, feather-light, it’s mithril!

Shielding my heart from the stabs

of goblins and those they serve.

Love is my dagger, glowing blue

when the lying Orc approaches,

warning me, preparing me for fight...

Or flight.

And here—

here in the meadow, grace abounded.

The velvet thunder of my giant hounds

stilled as they laid down,

acquiescing to the sovereignty

of our antlered encounter.

No fear. Only trust.

In silence, we drank in

the company of the others.

Let the analysts reduce it.

Let the liars keep their screens.

I choose the magic.

I choose peace and beauty.

I choose to meet the world

unhardened, and wholly my own. 

When life is heavy

When your head is heavy. 

And your milk has been spilled

When Murphy’s law 

Is overwhelmingly fulfilled

When you need a break 

But there is none in sight 

Lean your weight on me

I’ll help make your load light 

When the day has gone dark 

And you stumble, you fall 

Darling, just reach out 

I’m the one to call 

When you need a friend 

And you’ve been feeling alone 

You need look no further

I’ll be your home 

Some days are hard

The minutes chew us all up

The hours spit us out

Broken slivers on the ground 

Hold my hand 

While we work it out 

I’ll put you back together

Until you are safe and whole  

Reset restore

 You are my reset at the end of a long day 

My restart restore 

You help me clear the cookies 

Wipe the cache of all the randomness that fills my RAM 

And makes me run so slow 

With you I

Purge the corrupt code 

Resolve my 404 errors 

Reconnect me to what is real  

You’ve known me since this 

System was being built 

You’ve seen the software

That didn’t keep its promises

If I need a factory reset

It is you that will take inventory 

And ensure I restore 

Only the programs  that truly matter 

Dappled Light

You are dappled light

Muted shadows shifting on the forest floor 

Beams of light filtering through the green canopy 

Your face shifting with emotion 

Changing like the patterns

That play among the ferns and ground pine 

The wind blows, ruffling boughs 

Leaves fluttering, sunlight breaking through 

I could never tire of the dynamic 

Yet so soothing wonder 

Of who you are now 

And who you were 

And who you will become 

Let me just wander with you  

The dappled light playing

s="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">On my skin 

Irrelevant

 Wild activation 

Chemicals surging 

Drawing a connection 

Of toxic immensity 

Attaching to 

Physical fireworks 

Emotional tug of war

False familiarity 

Built on traumas of 

Long ago 

Hooked on a pattern

Of believing in potential 

Reading the danger yet

Addicted to fight or flight 

Finally choosing flight 

Finally choosing to run 

Choosing freedom 

Choosing the inner maiden 

Abandoning chase 

And the treats left in 

That trap 

Become …

Irrelevant 

Discovering safety 

Controlling the narrative 

Embracing healthy 

Vulnerability with an 

Unclenched jaw 

Ready to show up 

Open heart, open hands 

Steady pulse 

Resiliency is more than 

A  trophy on the shelf 

That says “I have overcome”

It is a testament 

Running in my blood 

Attaching to 

Passionate 

Self-awareness 

Value that is 

Unquestioned 

Seen, heard

Known