We had some wonderful rain last night so I went out to survey my accidental pumpkin patch this morning to see how it fared during the storm. While the majority of pumpkins are doing fine, I took sad notice that one of the newest fruits was dying. Not having a massive crop, it is a mournful thing to see a little one that didn't make it. I'm emotionally invested in this pumpkin patch, so I've developed a tendency to place high hope into each baby pumpkin that has begun.
Having dealt with the major loss of my husband, I've become aware of a couple of things. A huge loss can numb you to other losses or it can make you hypersensitive to smaller losses. Each failure, each expectation that fails to grow to maturity, each time there is some sort of ending, will be deeply noticed. Often your reaction will form echoing changes made to you by that greater loss. I've seen this in other people's lives; I see it in my own. My reaction could be something like, "Yep, another pumpkin died. I should've expected it. Nothing goes right. God hates me." or "Oh, no! One of my babies is rotten! What did I do wrong? Omigosh, now there are only 7 pumpkins. What if more die?" or even, "Why do I even care? I didn't plant these pumpkins; they are more trouble than they are worth. I don't need them!" None of those reactions suit me; I think I'm learning to adapt.
As I said above, I'm emotionally invested in my accidental pumpkin patch. Why? Because I see so much of myself in that patch growing from a rotted pumpkin swept out to the street-end of the driveway. It's "me" as I've found myself without my husband. The loss of Pat has been hard and still is - a hard fact it has taught me is that life goes on and I must go on. And so this patch reminds me that I can grow, I can bloom, and even produce fruit. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.' Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)
That fruit represents singular hopes to me -- ideas, plans... Now, as an adult, I know that not every idea will find its way to maturation. Not every hope is realistic; some are false. As my favorite Scottish bard famously said, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." Looking out there over my pumpkin patch, I've got two big fat pumpkins who are doing fantastically. These remind me of the ideas/plans that I have that are built on solid skills/gifts that I know God has given me and I use. Nurture and care are still required, but I feel confident in their success. There are a couple newer ones, past what I consider the danger stage, that appear to be growing nicely. I've noticed that in all of these spacing is key. Too many fruits cluttered by one vine don't make it.
The albino pumpkins (two right now) are slower to grow but appear to be doing well. These are perhaps the odd-ball hopes and ideas of mine, things that I want to or need to develop. They are the possibilities that I hadn't considered but am taking a chance with and am pleasantly surprised at seeing progress. I can honestly say I've been surprised by bits and pieces of "me" that I wasn't aware of, abilities I didn't know I had and interests that I'm just beginning to explore and expand.
The baby pumpkins dying so young are ideas that came at the wrong time or those things I'm spread to thin to put enough effort or energy into. Perhaps they weren't the best for me or they are those things that I've put false hope into. Then there is the little pumpkin that got accidentally run over and smashed -- well, that was a plan or possibility that was "out on the limb." Either it was too far-fetched or I simply wasn't guarding it well. It's a good idea to be wary of putting yourself "out there" where you or yours could be in harm's way. "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3 That particular smashed pumpkin specifically reminds me of a big mistake I made that I have gleaned a great deal from, albeit painfully.
As I continue to watch this unexpected garden grow, I keep learning new things about it and about myself. Isaiah 58:11 energizes me, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." I pray that God helps me put my energy into ideas that He blesses, to not invest my heart in false hopes, and to help me to accept small losses with dignity while directing my energies towards developing spiritual fruit and not selfish gain. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
Friday, July 27, 2018
More from the accidental pumpkin patch
My accidental roadside pumpkin patch took a hit this weekend. While I was at church, someone must have decided to turn around in my driveway and in doing so clipped the edge of the patch, taking out a fledgling pumpkin that germinated to close to the driveway. I mourned when I first noticed this. Eddy and I examined the direction in which the leaves were flattened, trying to figure out what happened. Forensic gardeners, we are not, but we did figure out that the area that was hit was only hit once. The tires didn't go back over in the same spot. The little pumpkin that got flattened was the size of a nectarine and will be missed. Anyhow, there are still lessons to be learned by the demise of the pumpkin on the edge.
First of all, I should've put up some kind of boundary around them. A stick with a flag. Something. I've been busy and Home Depot, Tractor Supply, well, those are not my favorite stores to shop in. There will be times you have to go out of your way. to protect what is yours. The Bible says to, "Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the wellsprings of life." (Proverbs 4:23, KJV) If you're going to be growing and sprouting fruit in a dangerous or unlikely area, you need to take extra precautions -- and if circumstances have you exposing your heart, you need a good set of standards to those tender parts out of harm's way.
Some people show up in your life only to turn around in your driveway. They aren't looking to see if you have anything growing on the side. They aren't worried about anything but using your driveway to fulfill a need of their own to turn and go somewhere else. For people like this, they care about your driveway being convenient - they are not likely to notice that you have a nice pumpkin patch growing off to one side. You never know when people like this will show up so while it is tempting to have something spikey and dangerous around the pumpkins to protect them a nice tall stick with a flag at the corner and possibly a fence should help. In life, these are the people who want stuff from you and perhaps you need to make sure you have a flag up. This kind of stuff is unpredictable so you just need to prepare by having whatever the pumpkins in your life are protected. That way people can do a quick turn around and you aren't injured. "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16, NKJV) Basically, be prepared. Don't be a fool. Get some markers up; get a sign that says "Keep off the pumpkins!" if need be.
Eddy reminded me that there are also those people who have no interest in your pumpkins and no respect for your passion for them. They probably think it is a stupid place to grow them and really don't want to hear you talk about your massive unplanned garden. You will likely learn pretty fast that they simply have no desire to hear about your pumpkin plants and share none of your excitement. If your passion is spiritual things and you are growing spiritual fruit, don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. S/he will not care about turning you astray or offending you in any way. Certainly don't expect a person such as this to help you at all in nurturing your crop. Matthew 7:6 says, "Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces." (KJV)
I'm trying not to worry about the day coming when my pumpkins are ripe and appealing to thieves. That day may come...
First of all, I should've put up some kind of boundary around them. A stick with a flag. Something. I've been busy and Home Depot, Tractor Supply, well, those are not my favorite stores to shop in. There will be times you have to go out of your way. to protect what is yours. The Bible says to, "Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the wellsprings of life." (Proverbs 4:23, KJV) If you're going to be growing and sprouting fruit in a dangerous or unlikely area, you need to take extra precautions -- and if circumstances have you exposing your heart, you need a good set of standards to those tender parts out of harm's way.
Some people show up in your life only to turn around in your driveway. They aren't looking to see if you have anything growing on the side. They aren't worried about anything but using your driveway to fulfill a need of their own to turn and go somewhere else. For people like this, they care about your driveway being convenient - they are not likely to notice that you have a nice pumpkin patch growing off to one side. You never know when people like this will show up so while it is tempting to have something spikey and dangerous around the pumpkins to protect them a nice tall stick with a flag at the corner and possibly a fence should help. In life, these are the people who want stuff from you and perhaps you need to make sure you have a flag up. This kind of stuff is unpredictable so you just need to prepare by having whatever the pumpkins in your life are protected. That way people can do a quick turn around and you aren't injured. "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16, NKJV) Basically, be prepared. Don't be a fool. Get some markers up; get a sign that says "Keep off the pumpkins!" if need be.
Eddy reminded me that there are also those people who have no interest in your pumpkins and no respect for your passion for them. They probably think it is a stupid place to grow them and really don't want to hear you talk about your massive unplanned garden. You will likely learn pretty fast that they simply have no desire to hear about your pumpkin plants and share none of your excitement. If your passion is spiritual things and you are growing spiritual fruit, don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. S/he will not care about turning you astray or offending you in any way. Certainly don't expect a person such as this to help you at all in nurturing your crop. Matthew 7:6 says, "Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces." (KJV)
I'm trying not to worry about the day coming when my pumpkins are ripe and appealing to thieves. That day may come...
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
The accidental pumpkin patch - new pumpkins, new lessons
About ten days ago I started to worry about the soil my accidental pumpkin patch had decided to grow itself on. Off to the side at the end of my driveway isn't a place where I'd expect to find the most nourishing soil. Some wilty looking leaves had me afraid because I've become a bit attached to my pumpkin planting now. I began to research and discovered that my pumpkins needed more than just water and any-old dirt. They needed nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium. Not wanting my babies to starve, I went out and bought a balanced fertilizer mix. Ten days later, I'm seeing results.
Although my pumpkin patch began to grow in an unexpected place, I could not expect it to thrive without the proper nourishment. Watering it daily was a given, but I had to discover what food pumpkins need to thrive. I also discovered that there are pests that will need to be battled along the way (as well as making sure folks walking dogs don't let them pee on my roadside pumpkin patch).
Again, I see so much of myself in my pumpkin patch. I'm growing in a place I did not expect to grow but in order to thrive I need more than sunshine and rain. Jesus tells us in Matthew 4:4 that, "man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Eating daily of that manna, that bread of life is essential to my survival. John 6:35 tells us that He is the bread of life -- and I need the nutrients that only that heavenly Bread can provide. Prayer, to me, is the watering - it's that daily connection and communication with the Father. Like Isaiah cries out in 45:8, "Open up, O heavens, and pour out your righteousness. Let the earth open wide so salvation and righteousness can sprout up together."
Another thing needed to grow and thrive spiritually is fellowship. We are created to need each other. Man needed woman, a suitable partner and helpmeet. We, as the body of Christ, are made up of various members uniting as a whole in service of our Head. We need to invest ourselves in each others' lives, caring for each other, watching out for each other, building each other up, praying for each other. We need fellowship, to bond together in worship and in sharing our lives. KoinonÃa is that sharing together, participating with one another in a mutual bond. I'm so blessed to have friends who lift me up and share in this life in Christ. I'm also blessed that God chose to place Eddy in my life. Eddy, who worries over those pumpkins like I do, and Zane, who wants to check on them and water them with me, have made the pumpkin patch a shared endeavor. Shared ventures seem so much more rewarding to me. Rather than being an island, I like to be an archipelago. I think life is like that. While we leave this world singularly, while we are here life is so much more enjoyable when our lives are entwined and interdependent.
Invest yourself in someone's life and open yours to being invested in by others. Invest yourself in the community of your church fellowship. Above all, invest yourself in a relationship with the Life-giver and drink in the nutrients He so abundantly provides.
Although my pumpkin patch began to grow in an unexpected place, I could not expect it to thrive without the proper nourishment. Watering it daily was a given, but I had to discover what food pumpkins need to thrive. I also discovered that there are pests that will need to be battled along the way (as well as making sure folks walking dogs don't let them pee on my roadside pumpkin patch).
Again, I see so much of myself in my pumpkin patch. I'm growing in a place I did not expect to grow but in order to thrive I need more than sunshine and rain. Jesus tells us in Matthew 4:4 that, "man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Eating daily of that manna, that bread of life is essential to my survival. John 6:35 tells us that He is the bread of life -- and I need the nutrients that only that heavenly Bread can provide. Prayer, to me, is the watering - it's that daily connection and communication with the Father. Like Isaiah cries out in 45:8, "Open up, O heavens, and pour out your righteousness. Let the earth open wide so salvation and righteousness can sprout up together."
Another thing needed to grow and thrive spiritually is fellowship. We are created to need each other. Man needed woman, a suitable partner and helpmeet. We, as the body of Christ, are made up of various members uniting as a whole in service of our Head. We need to invest ourselves in each others' lives, caring for each other, watching out for each other, building each other up, praying for each other. We need fellowship, to bond together in worship and in sharing our lives. KoinonÃa is that sharing together, participating with one another in a mutual bond. I'm so blessed to have friends who lift me up and share in this life in Christ. I'm also blessed that God chose to place Eddy in my life. Eddy, who worries over those pumpkins like I do, and Zane, who wants to check on them and water them with me, have made the pumpkin patch a shared endeavor. Shared ventures seem so much more rewarding to me. Rather than being an island, I like to be an archipelago. I think life is like that. While we leave this world singularly, while we are here life is so much more enjoyable when our lives are entwined and interdependent.
Invest yourself in someone's life and open yours to being invested in by others. Invest yourself in the community of your church fellowship. Above all, invest yourself in a relationship with the Life-giver and drink in the nutrients He so abundantly provides.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Combustion
Those kisses on my skin
Have burned into me
Learning to know you
And the touch of your lips
Feels right in a way that
A match does when it touches a wick
The wick can't help it,
but it is compelled
Compelled to drink in the flame
Your touch ignites possibilities
Chemical yearnings
Not a wildfire
But a brightly burning flame
The kind that keeps you warm
All winter
The kind you can trust
Trust to light the room, light my soul
There is an energy
Of emotion, of longing, of need
Sparks and gasoline kind of passion
Tempered by this deep feeling
That you're my home fire
Igniting my heart
And that these flames we create
Have a resting place
A hearth where they can safely dance
Together
Have burned into me
Learning to know you
And the touch of your lips
Feels right in a way that
A match does when it touches a wick
The wick can't help it,
but it is compelled
Compelled to drink in the flame
Your touch ignites possibilities
Chemical yearnings
Not a wildfire
But a brightly burning flame
The kind that keeps you warm
All winter
The kind you can trust
Trust to light the room, light my soul
There is an energy
Of emotion, of longing, of need
Sparks and gasoline kind of passion
Tempered by this deep feeling
That you're my home fire
Igniting my heart
And that these flames we create
Have a resting place
A hearth where they can safely dance
Together
Til death do you part
Traditional wedding vows include pledging fidelity until death separates the union. When you are saying those words, all starry-eyed, in love and ready to embark on "happily ever after," you do not necessarily embrace the reality that one day death will indeed separate you. For some it is sooner rather than later, yet we all tend to sail on into the sunset believing that tomorrow will never come.
It was no different for me. I pledged those words to my husband, Pat. In a world where the vows should say, not until death do us part, but until "money, adultery, shiny new things, etc." part us, we managed to stay together for 33 years of marriage. We quickly discovered that marriage was not sailing off into a glorious sunset. It was work - emotional, physical work. And word we did. We worked through personal problems, family problems, work problems, through times of plenty and times of little. We laughed and cried, fought hard and made up harder. After three decades together, we found a comfortable rhythm of life and were content to march to our own special beat together.
Death changed that. He arrived unexpectedly, of course, uninvited. Very few invite death knowingly. People that smoke cigarettes should know but most seem shocked when the inevitable consequences arise. They are clearly giving death a hand-written invitation but are, like Pat, in complete denial. I had expected at least another 5-10 years before Pat's poor health choices caught up to him in a life-ending way. He, on the other hand, obliviously boasted that it would be him who would be taking care of me in our old age. I had come to terms with the fact that nagging, pleading, and crying weren't going to lead him to change his ways. I did my best to provide healthy foods at home and to encourage him to take the vitamins and fish oil his doctor recommended.
Two years later his death still reminds me to take to heart that life can turn at any moment from idyllic to tragic. When this occurs, rest assured that the annoying things you feel you have to pick at, those things will be things you miss one day. Cherish the opportunity to just “be” with the people you care about and who care about you. You honestly never know when the scene will change from idyllic to tragic.
It was no different for me. I pledged those words to my husband, Pat. In a world where the vows should say, not until death do us part, but until "money, adultery, shiny new things, etc." part us, we managed to stay together for 33 years of marriage. We quickly discovered that marriage was not sailing off into a glorious sunset. It was work - emotional, physical work. And word we did. We worked through personal problems, family problems, work problems, through times of plenty and times of little. We laughed and cried, fought hard and made up harder. After three decades together, we found a comfortable rhythm of life and were content to march to our own special beat together.
Death changed that. He arrived unexpectedly, of course, uninvited. Very few invite death knowingly. People that smoke cigarettes should know but most seem shocked when the inevitable consequences arise. They are clearly giving death a hand-written invitation but are, like Pat, in complete denial. I had expected at least another 5-10 years before Pat's poor health choices caught up to him in a life-ending way. He, on the other hand, obliviously boasted that it would be him who would be taking care of me in our old age. I had come to terms with the fact that nagging, pleading, and crying weren't going to lead him to change his ways. I did my best to provide healthy foods at home and to encourage him to take the vitamins and fish oil his doctor recommended.
Two years later his death still reminds me to take to heart that life can turn at any moment from idyllic to tragic. When this occurs, rest assured that the annoying things you feel you have to pick at, those things will be things you miss one day. Cherish the opportunity to just “be” with the people you care about and who care about you. You honestly never know when the scene will change from idyllic to tragic.
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