The greatest compliment I think I’ve ever been given came from my dear friend, Mike, about a month ago. He’s known me since we were kids and we have some of the best and deepest conversations. In the midst of once such conversation, I said something about my innate need to seek knowledge. He said, “No, you are driven to UNDERSTAND.”
It’s funny how if you forget you have sunglasses on, the glare of a hot sun doesn’t bother you as it beats off the pavement or sends powerful glares off cars that speed by. Take off those glasses as you ride down the highway on a bright, sunny day and the first thing you do is squint..why? Because the light is bright and your eyes aren’t adjusted. The glare off a passing window hurts when the beams of light accost your eyes. Remove those shades and the comfort fades away, you find that you see and experience things that you were oblivious to behind the comfort of the tinted plastic lenses.
Over the past few years since Pat passed away, the veil over my eyes has been removed in many ways -- and I’m thankful, truly thankful. When I look back on views I held, news bits and memes that I shared a few years ago, I’m ashamed at my ignorance and humbled by my arrogance. I once believed things like if you were a Christian you practically “had’ to be a Republican and that saying “all lives matter” was an absolute appropriate response to “black lives matter.” I balked at the idea of white privilege, although having lived in the South I definitely had more understanding of the concept and didn’t believe it did not exist. Nope, I just questioned whether I had any of it.
Months ago, my brother - a liberal - messaged me out of the blue and began berating me on how could I support Trump given X, Y and Z. First, I was stunned by his anger because I’ve not been a big “Woo-hoo, Go Trump!” person. My first reaction was , “What the heck?” and the attack frustrated me. In the midst of it he was asking “How can a professing Christian tolerate these things?” That caught my attention. I had already seen very clearly the effect that was produced on unbelievers by “Christians” loudly ranting about their “rights” and not wearing masks. When those on the outside see that what you are saying/supporting is in opposition of what you are professing to believe, there’s a problem, Houston. I realized that his anger came from confusion - how could I say “A” and seem to condone “B”? By the way - I'm thankful to him for this conversation. God blessed me in ways I could understand at that moment.
When explaining my stance to him, I said that I’ve accepted the things Trump did that I felt were good and possibly ignored the things about his personality that I didn’t like. I heard about his nastiness on Twitter but as long as he was mainly doing what I thought was good, I didn’t pay much attention and attributed it to his abrasive personality that I “didn’t have to like if he was getting the job done.” . He said this to me near the end of our conversation, “Your whole defense of Trump now is that anything other than a bend-over backwards generous interpretation of his words, with nothing worth of blame unless it is spelled out in exact literal words, is absurd. Interpretation and applying context are absolutely necessary parts of communication and not “mind reading.” And you would never argue otherwise, unless it’s necessary to defend what you want to defend.” Now, above all else, as Mike said, I strive to understand. Why was I not trying to understand where my brother was coming from and what he was seeing? I prayed that God would help me to see this, to understand, that He would give me wisdom.
And the veil lifted. It was like being hit with a tsunami. I’d already been watching the hateful things - and the very blind things, being shared on the left and suddenly I could clearly see the hateful things and the very blind things being shared on the right. I was already in a bit of shock over the rage/anger of anti-mask Christians focusing on perceived personal rights. “The wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God.” It lessened the blow as I saw the things my brother saw coming from right-wing Christians. So much wrath on both sides. Armed with misinformation, distrust and a “stick with the party line” mentality, both sides have created a war zone. I find myself in the middle, caught in the crossfire but seeing the need to STOP. LISTEN. LEARN. CHANGE.
Today, I was told something I’ve been told a lot lately, “I don’t know who you are anymore.” That’s okay, because now I understand better than ever who I really am and who I am supposed to be. I’m a Christian, a Christ follower. I think that aligning myself with a political party made me forget that or not fully grasp its meaning. Yes, I’m an American and so proud and so grateful to have been born into this land… but I’m a Christ follower FIRST. What I believe and support politically has to be in line with His Word and not the other way around. I can’t try to build my theology around a party platform. Facebook “memories” have come back to haunt me and showed me how clearly I was doing that and I repent. The steps of the righteous man are ordered by God, not by political affiliation. My walk with Jesus and my obedience to His Word is more important to me than any social acceptance that groupthink would give me. .
As Mike said, I’m one who seeks to understand. This means I want to know facts. I will research. The veil has been lifted, the sunglasses removed - I won’t just accept the party line on racism and Black Lives Matter when Jesus tells me to love my neighbor and esteem their needs more highly than my own. I won’t accept the party line when it comes to COVID-19 and all the many facets of *that* crisis. When I see abject falsehood and lies, I’m likely to share wherein the deception is found. My continual prayer is that the Lord will help me line up my stances with His Word and His heart.
One thing I need to get better at is praying for those that are currently blowing my mind with the lack of empathy for the dead, sick, injured or oppressed. It’s way too easy to fall into a different kind of separation, one that is not related to “be holy as I am holy,” or “come out from among them and be separate.” I don’t want to allow the middle to turn into a new clique where we look down our noses at those on the outside. The middle needs to be a place of where we take the time to understand,where there is discourse, where first we care, we listen and we talk, and then we work together.
And so, to the many people who say, “Who are you? I don’t recognize the person you," or "I'm surprised at your position." I’m really not different. Since early 1984 Jesus has always come first for me; I just didn't realize yet how I was trying to conform Him rather than be transformed. The same girl that tried to understand 45 years ago is the one who wants to understand and do better now.
