On the stupidity of choosing money over my dogs...

On the stupidity of choosing money over my dogs

They say a dog owner and her pet
Begin to look like each other over time
Waking up to that cold empty bed
I realized
I am indeed like my dogs
Maybe I look like them
Maybe I don't
But my soul looks like theirs
My dogs need love
More than a pat
More than a “good boy, good girl”
Here or there
They need full body
Joyous
Tail-wagging
Mutual adoration fests
The kind of affection that says
“I love being in your presence”

Yet here I sit - and I miss them
“The money is good”
“You'll get ahead”
“Good for your resume”
“We'll be together”
And so I left, left them in the care of others
Deprived them of the love they were
So accustomed to
I deprived ME of the love
I was so accustomed to
Following a job
Following a man
Like a dog, stupidly assuming that
What I needed was what everyone wanted to give

My heart broke when I saw
That they were being treated
So unlovingly
So unkindly
Sasha's mask, greyed in that month like she had aged a hundred years
Charlie, stooped and slinking
Fearful and heart-broken
We reunited with joy and love
Tails wagging, hearts singing...
But now I'm trapped
Trapped in a job and in a place
Where a pat on the head and a good girl
Are all the affection I get

I found them love, I found them
A temporary home
Away from kids who pull tails
And throw rocks
Away from adults who say
“Go away, dog!”
And lock them away
And as for me...
I drove away with a man
With a hard heart
Who loved neat and clean
More than he loved me

Dog hair is a badge of love
It's a daily nuisance that screams
“I am loved!” like the toys that
Children leave scattered on the floor
Dog hair is scattered on my soul
It's a sign of mutual appreciation
And my heart bleeds to have
A lint brush required to stroke away
The hair of my beloved furry ones

Dogs, they don't turn away morning snuggles
Dogs, they don't need to go turn on the TV
Read the sports page
Have their coffee
Have a thousand reasons why they can't pile together in fur and skin, wet noses and belly rubs
Why being with you isn't a great way to start the day
Yet here I am, the fool that chose the money
Over the faithful love
Over the unfailing love
Over the ecstatic, joyful, consuming love
Of my dogs