Content in the now...

I was driving away from the yoga class I just taught, and it struck me how thankful I am for now. For this moment. This present time. For the ways God has chosen to bless me. For the lessons I've learned. For the sense of contentment that has lately been covering me like a blanket tucked around me by a loving mother.

It's funny, not in a haha way, but in an ironic way, that sometimes we need to spend a season in Hell to truly be thankful for peace. Certainly, the last couple of years since Pat died have been a roller coaster, one that had sharp turns, steep drops, and frighteningly, no known end in sight. Times that I thought I found a straight away with the exit within visual range, the coaster would bank suddenly and off I'd head for another nail-biting go-round. By the way, I have never liked roller coasters.

Perhaps right now, I'm on one of those straight aways. I don't know if I'll be enjoying a period of recuperation or entering another "How long, Lord?" phase where I come face to face with the living not just the conceptualizing of "walking by faith and not by sight.' I've had those moments where I simply felt "done" with all the stress and like Elijah, sat down under my broom tree and wished it would all just be over. Sure enough, God has nourished me and put me back on my feet. In I Kings 19:11-13, "The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?" And when Elijah answered, the Father let him complain - and then gave him direction. I'm listening for that still small voice.

I suppose that through each trial, I'm learning to be more like the Apostle Paul who said in Philippians, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." In order to master this attitude, we must accept it is necessary to become accustomed to both conditions. Hard to swallow, but I'm not going to learn this sort of contentment if life is always tailored to my liking.

And so, I am grateful for where I am at this moment in my life. The things God has done in my life. The successes and failures of 2018. In my kitchen I am making a pie from a pumpkin that I grew in my very own yard completely unexpectedly, from waste raked to the roadside.I'm going to work two minutes from my home; I'm fortunate to be in a supportive, caring work environment, collaborating with a believer who regards me as an answer to prayer. It's nice to be an answer to someone's prayers. My wonderful daughters and precious grandchildren bring endless joy and meaning to my life. I've got friendships that have withstood the test of time; real, true friends are to be cherished. Six months ago the Father put a godly man in my life and we've been learning each other, building possibilities and growing in hopes. Again, being the answer to someone's prayers is special. Several times a week I have the privilege of instructing fitness classes, just as I did tonight. How fabulous it is to get paid to do what you love! My book is nearly done; I have a volume of poetry as well - and a short story that will hopefully be published next year. While I do not know where the road is leading, I do know that my Lord's plans for me are for good. So right here, right now, I'm grateful to be content. To be happy. To enjoy today. To give glory to my King.