Around 4am this morning I woke up for no apparent reason, after tossing a bit, I grabbed my phone. This is usually a bad move because the blue light emitting from the phone suppresses melatonin. But right before bed, a friend and I were having conversation about some deep things of God and life. (I *love* friends like that).
Last night I had also watched a movie about the life of Rich Mullins, Ragamuffin. In it there was a quote from Brennan Manning that hit me hard: "The Lord Jesus is going to ask each of us one question and only one question: Do you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?" As the dialogue went back and forth, my friend mentioned what she perceives as my optimism and bravery...and its not that at all. I wake up and cry. I shout out, I tremble in fear. I wonder what the heck His plan is and what tomorrow will bring. Through it all: I just believe that He loves. I *know* Whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him against that day (2 Tim 1:12) I have to follow. I'm compelled. That furnace maw is gaping and I see the flames rising high inside -- but I see Him telling me "Walk, I'm with you. It will be alright." So I walk. I try to love. I stumble and He picks me up. How I hate these prosperity preachers that try to tell you that a life of faith is a cake walk. It isn't. In spite of that, it's glorious and wonderful. It's easier to just quote what I said at 4am. "I wake up at night worrying and have to keep submitting. And there are so many other things going on. My analogy for me is like Peter walking to Jesus in the water. I keep wanting to look down and I know the waves are high and the sea is full of dark things lurking — so it is this bizarre paradox of rest in effort to keep my eyes on Christ."
The Lord gave me an illustration of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego heading into the fire furnace. They *would* not submit to bowing down to Nebuchadnezzar's image -- so they stepped into a room of flame. I'm sure they hoped He would deliver them before their feet touched the floor of that fiery inferno, but He didn't. It's not that these three men were brave - they just know Who they believed in. They kept their eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. And that made me think of all the analogies of us as clay in the Potter's hand. What's the final step in finishing a piece of pottery? The beautiful glaze that seals it, waterproofing it, and giving it beauty. In order to be finished, that clay pot has to go INTO THE KILN.
I have so very much more I want to write about this...next time. Just imagine how beautiful you will be when the firing is over and the Master takes you out of the kiln...take joy in the purpose. What kind of clay pot will you be?
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