We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. -- C. S. Lewis
Rushed back to the hospital in the wee hours. This beauty greets us as we hover in these shadowlands. (link to sunrise)
“God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down.” ~ C.S. Lewis
In the wee hours, Pat went into cardiac arrhythmia, CPR was performed, the paddle was used four times. So far God blessed us with the ability to get here and be by his side and he is having another procedure right now. We wait. Whether he makes it or not is a crap shoot. We gathered around, we prayed, I sang to him. Whatever happens isn't out of God's control and He is more than able to keep us. If Pat goes to be with Jesus, that is his gain. To open his eyes in glory could not be anything but wonderful for Pat because he is a child of the King. If the Lord chooses that Pat somehow stays with us, He can get us through the rough seas and treacherous wilderness. I can see how much of His infinite mercy He has chosen to pour out over me - us - and it is palatable. We're swimming in grace, enveloped in love, and strengthened by that mighty Hand. If I didn't know it before, or thought I knew it and wasn't quite sold, I am now more than ever certain.
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
There is an eye that never sleeps
Beneath the wing of night;
There is an ear that never shuts
When sink the beams of light.
Beneath the wing of night;
There is an ear that never shuts
When sink the beams of light.
There is an arm that never tires
When human strength gives way;
There is a love that never fails
When earthly loves decay.
When human strength gives way;
There is a love that never fails
When earthly loves decay.
That eye is fixed on seraph throngs;
That arm upholds the sky;
That ear is filled with angel songs;
That love is throned on high.
That arm upholds the sky;
That ear is filled with angel songs;
That love is throned on high.
But there’s a power which man can wield
When mortal aid is vain,
That eye, that arm, that love to reach,
That listening ear to gain.
When mortal aid is vain,
That eye, that arm, that love to reach,
That listening ear to gain.
That power is prayer, which soars on high,
Through Jesus, to the throne,
And moves the hand which moves the world,
To bring salvation down.
Through Jesus, to the throne,
And moves the hand which moves the world,
To bring salvation down.
“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ‘Blessed are they that mourn,’ and I accept it. I’ve got nothing that I hadn’t bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” ~C. S. Lewis
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Update: Amazingly, I write this and Pat is still with us. When I tore out of the house at the 3am-ish hour of the morning to get to him after being resuscitated once again (CPR and paddle 4X), I thought I was driving to say a final good-bye. And yet, he is still here, hanging in that balance - in the limbo we are coming to know qutie well. One scary procedure and another "should've been fairly simple but wasn't" bloody ordeal, Pat is yet in the twilight of the land of the living. The girls & Ed all got there, Wendy, talked to him on speaker phone by his ear. We prayed over him, we prayed together. We got to be with each other and support each other through this really tough morning. Everyone got to spend some private moments with him. I read to him from Revelations and from The Last Battle, first time I have ever made it through the last chapter and didn't cry and make it unintelligible. We sat in conference with the head doctors, talked to others at his bedside. Beth& JoAnn came and gave us strength. He's stable and we had to come home and sleep. What the night or tomorrow will bring is unknown.
On the way home we saw this license plate: Deut 30:6. That reads "“Moreover the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your descendants, to love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, so that you may live."
1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
"They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.” ~ Williams Penn
"He whose head is in heaven need not fear to put his feet into the grave.” ~ Matthew Henry
“Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.” ~ C.S. Lewis
Farewell, my lover, my husband, my friend, father of our children, loving Poppy, king of our castle, man who could fix everything. You are in the arms of Jesus, but I'll miss you so very much. I love you.
Patrick 1961 -2016 (link to photos)
Patrick 1961 -2016 (link to photos)
I found this doodle of Pat as the big heart man and me the curly haired heart man in Patrick's pocket Bible. What a beautiful message to leave me. (After arriving home, devastated, I found the picture at the link sitting in his Bible, recently doodled).
