Gravity...

Gravity

Water follows 

The path of least resistance

Maybe I am water

Gravity pulls me down

Sometimes over rocks

Sometimes cutting a path through canyons

But down, down, ever down 

Looking to unite 

WIth other molecules of water

Seeking to commune

At some low spot

Fluids minimize energy

My energy I expend

Elsewhere

Creating my own heat so then

Sometimes I am steam

I rise and seek the clouds

To be a cloud, to join a cloud

To float in the sky

But gravity pulls me down

Drop by drop

I freeze, I fight

Resistance makes me cold

A glacier

Ice dragging the earth with me

Slowly, heels digging

The pressure of myself

Holding back, against it all

But still, I cannot resist

Gravity

12/28/23

Chemistry...

 Chemistry (yet to be tweaked)

The things I wished I had

Paid more attention to

Like chemistry class

Never thinking it would

Affect me, I daydreamed

Doodled on the desk, thought about boys

How would I know about

Simultaneous attractions

About how the electron clouds

Might get too close together

Electrons pulling, repelling 

Two very different atoms

Organically drawn

My electron, shared in your valence?

Or is it the other way around?

Somehow this uneasy balance

Heteronuclear bonding

Created a something

Safe like water --

Or a devastating acid

My positive energy

Your negative charge

Now this -- molecular structure

Irresistibly joined

Electrostatic forces holding us

Naming us this substance we became

But I wrote REO Speedwagon 

In my notebook 

Drew a daisy in the margin

Never thinking of the heat

The light, the significance

Of energy required

To break a covalent bond

So a compound we are

Until a solvent or

An energy greater

A force more powerful..

But I wasn’t paying attention

When my teacher spoke of ions

Either

The Day You Became Strong

 The Day You Became Strong

They always say

“It didn’t happen overnight” 

And certainly, this is true

But it was one day

A day when the pieces came together

A day when you knew it

You were whole

And worthy 

And had value

All on your own

The words came 

Calm and clear

You said, “No”

You called out the voice

That silenced you

You pushed away the hand

That made demands

For too long you accepted

The backseat

You gave the benefit of doubt

When whatever benefit there was

Was certainly not yours

You were busy, trying to make pieces fit

Believing you could be gracious

And still kind

But just not knowing how 

To challenge insult

To deny admittance

To choose to believe

That your dignity

Mattered as much as theirs

And that day came

When being polite wasn’t as important

As loving  the little girl that was

And the woman she became

Telling her that she could speak up

And she did

That was the day

The day you became strong

Accessories…

This is about a problem many of us women find ourselves in. We somehow wind up in the relationships that we pour ourselves into and find we are the only ones pouring. It’s not about wanting love to drop everything, but it’s about respect and not feeling used. 

I am not a scarf

To drape around your neck 

Then the weather seems to bite

And you need to feel some warmth

I am not a hat

To tilt with a rakish nod 

When the occasion calls for  extra flare

And need to show some style 

I’m not an earring or a tie pin

A necklace or a ring

I’m not an accessory 

Meant to polish you up

Or add some interest to your life 

In the wardrobe of life

I want to be the pants 

That you won’t walk out the door without

The pajamas that snuggle you

When you are tired or feeling down

I want to be essential

So you are naked

Without me there 

Accessories are bullshit 

And I am more than bullshit 

  

Some slam poetry from 2019

 

Much better heard than read, like all spoken word verse tends to be:

Angry, tight thoughts

Tight throat

Tight lips

The silence slaps

It sneers

It taunts

And your depression

Like a cancer

Eats away at my peace

No. More.

The poverty of your

Lack of emotion

Lack of affection

Lack of sweet, tender words

Is an abyss that

Seeks to swallow me whole

Or crush me with the weight 

Of instability

It’s antimatter, babe

And it doesn’t exist in this universe

I won’t give it life in a flight of fantasy

Because happily ever after with you

Is so opposite from the reality

That darkens my door and 

Switches on a crazy mental loop

Where I ask am I of value, am I enough

What is my worth to you?

I won’t be an indirect object

Affected by your transitive verbiage
Until my joy gets eaten up by your abnormal cell division

And I get sucked into the black hole of being

An accessory

Not subject verb predicate

Damn that silence

I’m breaking it with the sound

Rhythmic freedom

Of my feet, my heart, my soul

Moving on

GEP 1/18/2019

In the poverty 

Of your attentions 

I discovered my wealth In the austerity 

 Of your affirmations 

I discovered those deepest riches 

All the things you would not give me 

That I can so freely share 

Your lack of verbal generosity 

Unwillingness to light a dim day 

Brighten a smile 

Or caress a bruised esteem 

I can see the gift now 

In my ability to see the need 

To pour out warmth 

To slather devotion 

And effuse an unmitigated joy 

In the beauties of another 

I am indeed rich 

And you, my dear, are so very very poor

Evolving

 

Haven't made a  good ol' Venn diagram in a while to see how much I have changed. What a difference nearly 7 years makes.  Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg. So very much has changed internally - I've taught in juvenile detention, an inner city school, and in an alternative high school. These jobs made indelible marks on who I am. I truly learned about the privilege I was too privileged to even recognize.   

Jesus Revolution Review & Musings

Yesterday I had the joy of going to see “Jesus Revolution” with a friend. It was as wonderful as I had hoped it would be. Jonathan Roumie, Kelsey Grammer & Joel Courtney played their respective roles with depth and honesty backed by an excellent supporting cast.

A great deal of this movie resonated with me, I was all in but when they quoted Ginsberg, I felt connection. This film spurred a walk down Memory Lane as well as excitement for the current movement I see building within the church today. Just as the Lonnie told  Chuck Smith that his rigid congregation was a shut door, the hyper-Calvinist churches of today have attempted to lock and bar the way. They want to continue the lie of an exclusivist, angry god and a fear-mongerer’s gospel.  The Jesus Revolution flipped those tables; I think today’s deconstruction movement will do the same. 

The one error I would correct is that at the end of the movie it erroneously states that the movement ended in 1972; it did not. It ended in the late 1980s and this is why I anticipated this movie so greatly. It was in the tail end of the Jesus Movement that Pat and I committed our lives to Christ. 

I saw us in the lost teens in smoke-filled rooms talking philosophy and looking for truth. I remember being a teen, hanging with group of long-haired party/ers talking about Prisig’s “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” and Casteneda’s “The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of  Knowledge.” Bonfires and music. Starry skies and deep talks about the meaning of life, of who was God and did we matter. I remember debates with a friend’s older brother who was a bonafide Jesus freak. He and his best friend, Artie, would talk about handing out tracts at the Catholic Church parking lot on a Saturday night; then talk with us about Jesus if we would listen. Ronnie opened my eyes to 1 Timothy 2:5; it stayed with me.  He was planting seeds and God meant for them to grow. 

Pat and I would get together in the fall of  1982, get married in 1983,  finding in each other a fellow seeker. The alcohol, marijuana, sex, and rock n’ roll that our generation used to numb the pain didn’t work and we spent many a late night pondering and soul-searching. Then in early 1984 we gave it all to God. In February of 1985 we were baptized. Found our way to little hippie Christian music festivals, discovered JPUSA and Cornerstone, were led to a church with open doors that didn’t judge us, just loved us.  We grew in the word. Pat read to me his Tolstoy, I read to him my Bonhoeffer, singing along with Michael Card and later Rich Mullins. Along the way, we made friends with others who shared a similar story- Rick & Kathy, Diane & Paul, Jessica & JB, and others. We entered the 90s with true family fellowship in the Lord. 

Pat is gone, Paul is gone and so are Jessica and Rick. Seems that those who aren’t gone, have either become what they were part of changing so long ago or like me, realized the fundamentalist swamp that had sucked us in and let the Spirit pull us out. I’ve been watching a movement growing since 2020 when the self-centeredness and political idolatry of much of the WEC was exposed. In the film, the Pharisees of that day are griping about the hippies and their talking of a loving God. The Pharisees of today are complaining about the deconstructionists, CRT, the LGBQT+ community, and anyone who doesn’t share their doctrinal statement, and yep, wanting to make sure the love is limited. They see themselves as gatekeepers and want to keep the gates closed. I hope to see their walls tumble because their gates of hell won’t prevail against His church. (Doubtful that they even understand the geographical/historical context of that passage).

Some thoughts on He Gets Us

 Some thoughts on He Gets Us.

This campaign has certainly caused controversy from every direction. On their page they say, “How did the story of a man who taught and practiced unconditional love, peace, and kindness; who spent his life defending the poor and the marginalized; a man who even forgave his killers while they executed him unjustly — whose life inspired a radical movement that is still impacting the world thousands of years later — how did this man’s story become associated with hatred and oppression for so many people?”  What I’ve heard since the Super Bowl:

From the Left:

-This campaign was funded by the far right!

-That $20 million could’ve been spent on the poor!

-It’s tied to evangelical churches!

From the Right:

-The Jesus of He Gets Us is stripped of context!

-The campaign reinforces the problematic idea that our churches have Jesus all wrong!

-The campaign is all about love and unity and what about God’s wrath?!

To the Left’s criticism:  If “they” are spending $100 million on spreading the word about a Jesus that is so very different from the one that the far right espouses, that’s a good thing and then the money is NOT going to their political agenda. This loving Jesus is very different from the one you can find in most rigid, hyper-Calvinistic white evangelical churches in America and definitely doesn’t fit their anti-immigrant, liberals-are-evil and the continual push to polarize us even further over every stinking issue they can think of (CRT, LGBQT+, books, etc, etc). As to what the money is being spent on, I’m reminded of Matthew 26, Mark 14, and Luke & which tell the story of the “sinful woman” anointing Jesus with the extremely expensive perfume. You’ve got the people freaking out because a :”sinful woman” touched him and He didn’t flip out - and you’ve got the others who take issue with “the money could’ve been spent on the poor.” He tells everyone to chill out because a beautiful thing was done for Him. I’m leaning toward this:  it was their money to spend and if they felt that a campaign to tell about Jesus’ love for the marginalized was the right thing, that could end some of the hatred gripping our country  --- then let Him be the judge. 

To the Right’s criticism:  The Jesus you have been preaching has been so stripped of context, you likely wouldn’t know context if it walked up and bit you. If the campaign reinforces that your churches have it all wrong, maybe you should quit complaining and LISTEN. Too long you’ve been in an unholy bed with politics, you’ve exalted orthodoxy over orthopraxy. Like the Pharisees you add so much extra to the gospel that it isn’t “good news” anymore; you worship your “sound doctrine” rather than Him.. Instead of embracing the Text in true context - literary, cultural, linguistic - you choose to look at it through the lens of medieval lawyers rather than the lens of Christ. .“Is this not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God” Mark 12:24

Personally, I wonder if the people behind this campaign aren’t deconstructing themselves. Maybe they have taken some money from oppressive far right groups - and maybe they are laughing with joy as that money is spent reminding people of the real Jesus who said, “Come to me all who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.” 

The campaign says this: “The more ideologically defensive we become, the more willing we are to sacrifice things like kindness, patience and the respect and dignity of others for the sake of victory.”

I’m with the Prophet Isaiah who said, “...they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.” Isaiah 2:4  

To my ex-pastor who is afraid that this message is too obscure and is too welcoming to Mormons, why don’t you let God worry about that? He’s the one who will ultimately separate the goats from the sheep - your job is to share His love. Better look at Mark 9:38-41 ““Teacher,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.”  “Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us. Truly I tell you, anyone who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.”

Hashimoto's Strikes Again

 Recently, I had a terrible experience with a doctor who wouldn't listen.  My beloved physician of many years moved away to work in a practice 45 miles away.  I decided to try the doctor who was hired to take her place. Horrible error. Too long of a story for my purpose here, but suffice it to say that I went from a doctor who listened and whom I trusted to one who was scared of his own shadow yet defiantly ignorant and arrogant about all things thyroid. This led to a worsening of my autoimmune symptoms such as I hadn't had in over a decade.  I made it to a specialist and am on the path to mending, but am in the midst of a Hashimoto's flare up.  Normal thyroid peroxidase antibodies are supposed to be 0-60 IU/mL.  Mine were 1,015.2 IU/mL.

Conventional medicine says that "there isn't much you can do to calm those antibodies." Take some selenium. Well, then... I already do.  While I'm waiting for my now proper dose of natural thyroid hormone to hopefully chill things out, I want to be as proactive as possible. Therefore, I'm looking into how integrative medicine can help me. 

Ayurveda, the ancient Indian system of medicine, offers a holistic approach to treating Hashimoto's thyroiditis, a type of autoimmune disorder that affects the thyroid gland. While conventional medicine primarily focuses on managing symptoms with hormone replacement therapy, Ayurveda seeks to address the root cause of the condition through a combination of dietary changes, herbal remedies, and lifestyle modifications. In this article, we'll explore how Ayurveda can help people with Hashimoto's thyroiditis and provide references to support these claims.

Balancing the Dosha: According to Ayurveda, Hashimoto's thyroiditis is caused by an imbalance in the dosha, the biological energies that govern various physical and mental processes in the body. Ayurvedic practitioners often diagnose this condition as an accumulation of Kapha dosha in the thyroid, which can be addressed through dietary changes, herbal remedies, and lifestyle modifications that promote balance and harmony.

Supporting the Immune System: Ayurveda recognizes the importance of a strong immune system in preventing and managing autoimmune disorders, including Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Herbs such as ashwagandha, licorice, and tulsi have been traditionally used to support the immune system and help reduce inflammation in the body.

Reducing Stress: Chronic stress can trigger autoimmune disorders and exacerbate symptoms of Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Ayurveda places a strong emphasis on stress management and suggests techniques such as yoga, meditation, and pranayama to help reduce stress and promote relaxation.

Improving Digestion: Digestive problems can lead to an accumulation of toxins in the body, which can trigger autoimmune disorders and exacerbate symptoms of Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Ayurveda recommends dietary changes and herbal remedies to improve digestion and remove toxins from the body.

Promoting Lifestyle Changes: Ayurveda recognizes the importance of a healthy lifestyle in preventing and managing autoimmune disorders. Simple lifestyle changes such as regular exercise, sufficient sleep, and avoiding exposure to toxins can help support the immune system and reduce the symptoms of Hashimoto's thyroiditis.

To wrap it up, Ayurveda offers a holistic approach to treating Hashimoto's thyroiditis by addressing the root cause of the condition and promoting balance and harmony in the body. While more research is needed to fully understand the benefits of Ayurveda in treating autoimmune disorders, the use of Ayurvedic remedies and practices in conjunction with conventional medicine may help improve symptoms and quality of life for people with Hashimoto's thyroiditis. I'm certainly helping it will have a positive effect on my health. 

I plan on reading:  Healing the Thyroid with Ayurveda by Marianne Teitelbaum (just purchased)
Medical Medium: Thyroid Healing by Anthony William (own this and forgot)

References:

Dash, B., & Nema, N. K. (2015). Ayurvedic management of Hashimoto's thyroiditis. Ancient Science of Life, 34(3), 239-244.

Lal, B. (2017). Ayurvedic management of autoimmune disorders: A review. Journal of Ayurveda and Integrative Medicine, 8(2), 72-80.

Rastogi, D., & Srimal, R. C. (2017). Ayurvedic approach to autoimmune disorders. Journal of Ayurveda and Integrative Medicine, 8(3), 120-126.

Singh, V., & Singh, N. (2016). Ayurvedic management of autoimmune disorders: An overview. Ancient Science of Life, 35(3), 193-199.