Breathing alone

It is now approaching 10 years since Pat's death.  Today would have been our anniversary, and that reminded me of how far I have come in this journey.

Your last breath 

Was our last breath 

Together

 A gasp 

And you were gone 

I’d been breathing 

With you for years 

A buddy system 

Finely tuned 

So sudden 

I choked 

I sputtered

I had forgotten 

The rhythm of 

Breathing alone

I flailed 

Surfaced, took a breath 

Sank

Kicked, struggled

Broke water 

Gasped 

Inhale, count to four

Exhale, count again 

In and out 

Breathing should be automatic 

Yet a baby needs 

A thump to kickstart 

That intake of air 

Your death 

Was an unexpected rebirth 

Unwelcome, but undeniable

Firm whack 

Mouth open, lungs 

Expand, collapse 

Repeat 

Year by year 

The rhythm 

Of life 

Returned

Without a strict command 

Me, not us

I breathe alone.