My life has been full of stress this year - the death of my spouse, completing my master's degree, a new job, new babies in the family, a whole myriad of other stresses both big and small. There was something on my plate that I dreaded and was overwhelmed by recently and it suddenly seemed to get a whole lot worse. When that happened, I cried out to God, "Why do you hate me? Why are you doing this to me?" I was so upset and defeated; I couldn't imagine why it seemed He was adding insult to injury. Surely this would be the straw that broke this camel's back. But then, things changed -- I discovered that the final blow was the clincher in my deliverance from a very heavy burden. While I was railing against God, demanding to know why He was making life so hard, He was actually setting in motion that business of "all things work together for the good of those who love God." It was so amazing and gave me so much relief from the stress I was feeling.
This got me to thinking - now I must add that I've been feeling a bit lost, Very much a ship set adrift. Driving to and from work, leaving no one at home and returning to no one. (Well, besides the dogs, the cats and now the opossum that visits, haha). It's lonely, it feels disconcerting after all those years of being a dedicated wife and lover. But, after the above happenings, it occurred to me that there is a very real possibility that the stuff that seems so horrible and terrible in my life right now just might be part and parcel to an amazing "working together for good" that I can't see yet. A glimmer of hope rose up inside of me. I'll just have to expectantly look to Him for that good to be revealed in His time.
LA to Miami
4 days ago