Sunday, October 16, 2016

No turning back, so why not head forward?

How do you move on? You move on when your heart finally understands that there is no turning back.
— The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Teetering on the edge of loss
And on the brink of being found
But not shattered
But willing to mend
Could it be that falling
Leads to flight?
Or sinking into despair?
It's all in the shift of balance
Forward or back
The focus on loss or possibility
Slip backwards
Or leap in faith
---GEP 10/15/16

My heart understands there is no return to what used to be. I'm a practical, logical soul. I can grieve without wallowing now that I've found my bearings and adjusted to this very real fact. I can't stand frozen in time, sinking in despair and mired in self-pity. I can't do it; I just can't. Does this mean I love Pat any less? Absolutely not. I just don't see any purpose to "honoring" him with unending grief. After all, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's with the King. He's in heaven where some day I'll join him. I know that where he is there is no sadness or jealousy; therefore, he's certainly not rolling in his grave that I'm moving onward. I love him, I loved him. I needed him, I don't have him. I have memories and a multitude of "things" I have to figure out what to do with. He's lost to death and I must live.

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