I was thinking about grace today. This morning I got my final grade (already!) and got full points, completing this degree as I determined to do: with a 4.0 GPA. Now it stings to think of Pat not being here to celebrate with me BUT I was bemoaning the timing of his death at what seems like a completely inopportune time and realized that must STOP.
God's timing is impeccable; He knows best. This was terrible, horrible and I miss him - but happening when it did was also full of grace. It happened during the break from school. I was able to be at the hospital for hours/days on end. Because of it happening when school was out, I've had over a month to cry, scream, melt, etc. In a typical job, I wouldn't have that. I would've been crying on the job and well, I'm not a fan of crying in front of everyone AND once it starts I can't hold it in. There is so much grace in that timing. Grace I did not deserve.
Also full of grace, God knows who I am better than I do. He knew that I wouldn't throw in the towel, drop out, finish at another time. He gave me something difficult that required tenacity to finish during this tempest of emotion and logistical insanity. That was grace because it gave me focus. I had to be focused on my personal goals. It took a lot of fight to focus and to excel.
There was grace, too, in my fears of being all alone in this house - that fear spurred me to learn how to use my gun and get my CCW. My dogs will appreciate that because I won't be afraid to take them out in the woods alone.
As another verse says, "I know who I have believed in and am persuaded He is able..." Knowing Him gives us confidence in HIM. He's faithful when we aren't. Hebrews 4:16 "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
So if I moan about the timing of it all again, someone smack me upside the head and remind me about grace.
2 Cor 12:9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me"
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Keys and Dips
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