When it is time to do balance poses in yoga class, there are generally sighs, moans and quiet grumbles heard around the room. Balance is hard - it makes us uncomfortable, it forces awareness of our weaknesses. It is human nature to shy away from highlighting our weaknesses and instead embrace our strengths. However, when we set our intention on challenging our weaknesses, what an incredible elation we feel when we are victorious!
A successful balance posture requires both drishti and breath. In yoga drishti is a focused gaze, it is meant for developing concentrated intention. When teaching a balance posture, I instruct students to "find a drishti" and set their gaze. The idea is to concentrate - to allow your gaze to rest on a focal point - drishti - and relax into the posture. Concentrate and relax - seems like a paradox. To concentrate is to focus mental effort on a particular activity or object; to relax is to rest, to become less rigid to ease. When doing a balance posture, it is important to fix your gaze and allow your breath to become deep and smooth. Balance postures develop a quiet strength; regulating breath helps to maintain focus (while feeding the body with oxygen).
I find it fascinating that the etymology of respiration is "spirit." The Spirit gives us life. Just as we need to breathe in life-giving oxygen; we need to deeply breathe in the breath of God. To inspire is to "fill with the ability to do or feel something." 2 Timothy 3:16 tells us that "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness."
Jesus is my drishti - day by day it is necessary to remind myself of a verse from Hebrews: "fix your eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith..." I need concentrated intention to follow my Lord and yet I also need to relax in His care. The world is constantly bombarding us with distractions that vie for our attention. So often, I'm like Peter walking on that stormy sea towards Jesus and I lose my focus, allowing the wind and the waves to frighten me. Did you notice that when you are most anxious you tend to hold or shorten your breath? In those shaky moments in a balance pose when your body is quivering and sweat is rolling down your brow, finding drishti and regulating your breath are key to overcoming the body's fear and relaxing into the effort. This is true in facing the challenges of life. HE is the author (the creator, the one with the script) and perfector (finisher, completer). We must fix our gaze on Him, breathe deeply of His word, and rest in the knowledge that He who began a good work in us will indeed complete it.
The full verse I quoted from Hebrews states, "Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." He endured so very much for our sake. While building strength is part of a yoga balance, in life we don't have to rely on our physical condition - the joy of the Lord is our strength. The trials and tribulations we face are to life what those shaky, weak tremblings in a yoga balance are. We must accept them but know that they are building our trust, strengthening our faith. If you want victory in a balance posture: focus and breathe. If you want victory in overcoming the challenges of sin and to stand firm in the trials of this world: Jesus must be your drishti and the breath you breathe. "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God" Colossians 3:2-3
Be salt and light.
Sunday, December 30, 2018
Sunday, December 23, 2018
Firing up a fine glaze...
Around 4am this morning I woke up for no apparent reason, after tossing a bit, I grabbed my phone. This is usually a bad move because the blue light emitting from the phone suppresses melatonin. But right before bed, a friend and I were having conversation about some deep things of God and life. (I *love* friends like that).
Last night I had also watched a movie about the life of Rich Mullins, Ragamuffin. In it there was a quote from Brennan Manning that hit me hard: "The Lord Jesus is going to ask each of us one question and only one question: Do you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?" As the dialogue went back and forth, my friend mentioned what she perceives as my optimism and bravery...and its not that at all. I wake up and cry. I shout out, I tremble in fear. I wonder what the heck His plan is and what tomorrow will bring. Through it all: I just believe that He loves. I *know* Whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him against that day (2 Tim 1:12) I have to follow. I'm compelled. That furnace maw is gaping and I see the flames rising high inside -- but I see Him telling me "Walk, I'm with you. It will be alright." So I walk. I try to love. I stumble and He picks me up. How I hate these prosperity preachers that try to tell you that a life of faith is a cake walk. It isn't. In spite of that, it's glorious and wonderful. It's easier to just quote what I said at 4am. "I wake up at night worrying and have to keep submitting. And there are so many other things going on. My analogy for me is like Peter walking to Jesus in the water. I keep wanting to look down and I know the waves are high and the sea is full of dark things lurking — so it is this bizarre paradox of rest in effort to keep my eyes on Christ."
The Lord gave me an illustration of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego heading into the fire furnace. They *would* not submit to bowing down to Nebuchadnezzar's image -- so they stepped into a room of flame. I'm sure they hoped He would deliver them before their feet touched the floor of that fiery inferno, but He didn't. It's not that these three men were brave - they just know Who they believed in. They kept their eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. And that made me think of all the analogies of us as clay in the Potter's hand. What's the final step in finishing a piece of pottery? The beautiful glaze that seals it, waterproofing it, and giving it beauty. In order to be finished, that clay pot has to go INTO THE KILN.
I have so very much more I want to write about this...next time. Just imagine how beautiful you will be when the firing is over and the Master takes you out of the kiln...take joy in the purpose. What kind of clay pot will you be?
Last night I had also watched a movie about the life of Rich Mullins, Ragamuffin. In it there was a quote from Brennan Manning that hit me hard: "The Lord Jesus is going to ask each of us one question and only one question: Do you believe that I loved you? That I desired you? That I waited for you day after day? That I longed to hear the sound of your voice?" As the dialogue went back and forth, my friend mentioned what she perceives as my optimism and bravery...and its not that at all. I wake up and cry. I shout out, I tremble in fear. I wonder what the heck His plan is and what tomorrow will bring. Through it all: I just believe that He loves. I *know* Whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him against that day (2 Tim 1:12) I have to follow. I'm compelled. That furnace maw is gaping and I see the flames rising high inside -- but I see Him telling me "Walk, I'm with you. It will be alright." So I walk. I try to love. I stumble and He picks me up. How I hate these prosperity preachers that try to tell you that a life of faith is a cake walk. It isn't. In spite of that, it's glorious and wonderful. It's easier to just quote what I said at 4am. "I wake up at night worrying and have to keep submitting. And there are so many other things going on. My analogy for me is like Peter walking to Jesus in the water. I keep wanting to look down and I know the waves are high and the sea is full of dark things lurking — so it is this bizarre paradox of rest in effort to keep my eyes on Christ."
The Lord gave me an illustration of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego heading into the fire furnace. They *would* not submit to bowing down to Nebuchadnezzar's image -- so they stepped into a room of flame. I'm sure they hoped He would deliver them before their feet touched the floor of that fiery inferno, but He didn't. It's not that these three men were brave - they just know Who they believed in. They kept their eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. And that made me think of all the analogies of us as clay in the Potter's hand. What's the final step in finishing a piece of pottery? The beautiful glaze that seals it, waterproofing it, and giving it beauty. In order to be finished, that clay pot has to go INTO THE KILN.
I have so very much more I want to write about this...next time. Just imagine how beautiful you will be when the firing is over and the Master takes you out of the kiln...take joy in the purpose. What kind of clay pot will you be?
Friday, December 21, 2018
Taste and see...
How do you describe the taste of chocolate to someone who has never once felt its wonder on his tongue? Sacramento Bee food critic Chris Macias stated, "Sensitivity to taste is as unique as a fingerprint." Not everyone can taste phenylthiocarbamide (PTC). If you have the right genetic make up, PTC tastes bitter to you. If you do not have it, PTC is virtually tasteless. Studies indicate that up to 70% of tasters have bitter-blindness. Try as you might, you will not be able to describe to them those who lack the alleles responsible for perceiving these tastes. Besides non-tasters, there are also supertasters who are highly sensitive and your more average taste buds. When I was very ill with Graves' disease, I had to take a positively nasty drug called propylthiouracil. It was a tiny pill but just a moment in my mouth waiting for water to flush it down was terrible to endure. Dr. Linda Bartoshuk, who is a professor at the University of Florida, discovered that while about 25% of the population is extremely sensitive to the taste of this chemical, an equal portion (25-30%) cannot taste it. This means that there are about 45-50% who can taste it but it isn't as offensive to their tongue.
"Taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8 (NIV) Those of us who know the Lord can vouch that this is indeed true. However, there are those who cannot "taste" His presence. Without rebirth in Christ, you can describe your experience as simply or grandly, with all the passion and fire you can muster, or in a cool, calm, logical fashion and still you will not be able to convince them that this "taste" is possible because to them the Lord is just a myth. Along with not persuading them, you will also likely get scoffed at for believing in a fairy tale. In debating with atheists, what I discovered is that there is a strong aversion to the mere thought that you, Christian, believe yourself to have something, some special knowledge, that they do not have. That aversion may evolve into outright anger if they also develop an idea that the values for which you stand, thanks to what they believe is your mythical deity, are in opposition to attitude and life choices they hold.
Their lack of "taste" for the Lord is similar to the genetics of non-tasters. Of course, this would horrify and outrage an atheist to hear it, but just because they cannot comprehend the Godhead, does not mean that He does not exist and that we are not daily experiencing His presence. Yes, this is frustrating. It is frustrating for them - to whom we look childish or crazy - and to us, who so long for them to see, feel and KNOW what is absolutely real to us.
That said, what do you do? Do you engage in heated debates? Do you walk away? Atheism isn't a matter of the "head," it is a matter of the heart. Arrogance (which they will tend to accuse you of anyway for daring to believe faith is not unscientific), anger, and insult aren't productive. Rational superiority isn't going to win the day or even just the argument. Certainly not the soul. This doesn't mean don't plant seed. Give the reasons for the faith that you have. Be patient. Be kind. If you genuinely care, you must share the gospel. Hammering and pounding don't make seeds grow. God does. Plant or water, whichever job God has chosen you for and then continue to be salt and light.
Salt gives even tasteless things flavor. Here's an interesting tidbit about salt: salt ions hone in on bitter compounds, suppressing them while enhancing sweetness. Chemical wizardry happens when you use salt: salt dispels bitterness, intensifies sweetness. When our Lord told us to be "salt" in this world, He was telling us to use this ability to diminish that bitter and bring out the sweet. Matthew 5:13 tells us that we are the salt of the earth. We need to go be salty today...the right way.
Hebrews 6:4-5 (NIV) For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come,
1 Peter 2:3
if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.
Psalm 119:103
How sweet are Your words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
Jeremiah 15:16
Your words were found and I ate them, And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts.
Ezekiel 3:3
He said to me, "Son of man, feed your stomach and fill your body with this scroll which I am giving you " Then I ate it, and it was sweet as honey in my mouth.
"Taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8 (NIV) Those of us who know the Lord can vouch that this is indeed true. However, there are those who cannot "taste" His presence. Without rebirth in Christ, you can describe your experience as simply or grandly, with all the passion and fire you can muster, or in a cool, calm, logical fashion and still you will not be able to convince them that this "taste" is possible because to them the Lord is just a myth. Along with not persuading them, you will also likely get scoffed at for believing in a fairy tale. In debating with atheists, what I discovered is that there is a strong aversion to the mere thought that you, Christian, believe yourself to have something, some special knowledge, that they do not have. That aversion may evolve into outright anger if they also develop an idea that the values for which you stand, thanks to what they believe is your mythical deity, are in opposition to attitude and life choices they hold.
Their lack of "taste" for the Lord is similar to the genetics of non-tasters. Of course, this would horrify and outrage an atheist to hear it, but just because they cannot comprehend the Godhead, does not mean that He does not exist and that we are not daily experiencing His presence. Yes, this is frustrating. It is frustrating for them - to whom we look childish or crazy - and to us, who so long for them to see, feel and KNOW what is absolutely real to us.
That said, what do you do? Do you engage in heated debates? Do you walk away? Atheism isn't a matter of the "head," it is a matter of the heart. Arrogance (which they will tend to accuse you of anyway for daring to believe faith is not unscientific), anger, and insult aren't productive. Rational superiority isn't going to win the day or even just the argument. Certainly not the soul. This doesn't mean don't plant seed. Give the reasons for the faith that you have. Be patient. Be kind. If you genuinely care, you must share the gospel. Hammering and pounding don't make seeds grow. God does. Plant or water, whichever job God has chosen you for and then continue to be salt and light.
Salt gives even tasteless things flavor. Here's an interesting tidbit about salt: salt ions hone in on bitter compounds, suppressing them while enhancing sweetness. Chemical wizardry happens when you use salt: salt dispels bitterness, intensifies sweetness. When our Lord told us to be "salt" in this world, He was telling us to use this ability to diminish that bitter and bring out the sweet. Matthew 5:13 tells us that we are the salt of the earth. We need to go be salty today...the right way.
Hebrews 6:4-5 (NIV) For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come,
1 Peter 2:3
if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.
Psalm 119:103
How sweet are Your words to my taste! Yes, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
Jeremiah 15:16
Your words were found and I ate them, And Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts.
Ezekiel 3:3
He said to me, "Son of man, feed your stomach and fill your body with this scroll which I am giving you " Then I ate it, and it was sweet as honey in my mouth.
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
My father was a big man...
My father was a big man
Strength in size
Strength in words
His love wrapped around me
I felt safe with the sound
Of his voice
In my life
My husband, too, was a big man
Steadfast as a rock
Steadfast in his heart
his love wrapped around me
I felt safe with the rhythm
Of his heartbeat
In my life
These are silent now
The words I need to hear don't sound
The beat of that heart has stopped
Safety is a memory
Love is a blanket that is lost
Strength in size
Strength in words
His love wrapped around me
I felt safe with the sound
Of his voice
In my life
My husband, too, was a big man
Steadfast as a rock
Steadfast in his heart
his love wrapped around me
I felt safe with the rhythm
Of his heartbeat
In my life
These are silent now
The words I need to hear don't sound
The beat of that heart has stopped
Safety is a memory
Love is a blanket that is lost
Not a tragic figure...
She didn't want
To cut a tragic figure
To have dark, care worn eyes
And a silhouette that
Spoke of sorrow
She wanted to be
Strong, brave, fearless
The one with the dancing heart
Twirling in the breeze
Curls flying
Even singing
What she didn't want
Was creeping upon her
And she fought hard
To sing, to dance
To stand firm
Against the shadows that crept
After her, swallowing
Her joy in
Big, greedy gulps
To cut a tragic figure
To have dark, care worn eyes
And a silhouette that
Spoke of sorrow
She wanted to be
Strong, brave, fearless
The one with the dancing heart
Twirling in the breeze
Curls flying
Even singing
What she didn't want
Was creeping upon her
And she fought hard
To sing, to dance
To stand firm
Against the shadows that crept
After her, swallowing
Her joy in
Big, greedy gulps
His lips were broken...
His lips were broken
Oh perhaps they moved
They kissed
They chewed
Sounds escaped
Formed into words
Words of no depth
Of heart
The lover's cord
Was disconnected
And short-circuited
So heart to mind to lips
The circuit was cut
Could it be
Spliced?
Rerouted?
She didn't know
But words feed her soul
And her soul was feeling faint
She tried the nourishment offered
Penetrating gaze
Acts of service
A hand held
She swallowed hard, appreciation
Like a liquid seeking to
Fill the empty silence
The need, the craving
Ached and burned
Hunger hurt
Growling in the
Silence, patience
While technical support looks into
The matter
Is there even a port for her to connect?
She wonders
And the world feels flat
And she feels flat
And dull and lifeless
And the air she needs to be filled
Is denied her
His lips are broken
So is she
8/31/18
Oh perhaps they moved
They kissed
They chewed
Sounds escaped
Formed into words
Words of no depth
Of heart
The lover's cord
Was disconnected
And short-circuited
So heart to mind to lips
The circuit was cut
Could it be
Spliced?
Rerouted?
She didn't know
But words feed her soul
And her soul was feeling faint
She tried the nourishment offered
Penetrating gaze
Acts of service
A hand held
She swallowed hard, appreciation
Like a liquid seeking to
Fill the empty silence
The need, the craving
Ached and burned
Hunger hurt
Growling in the
Silence, patience
While technical support looks into
The matter
Is there even a port for her to connect?
She wonders
And the world feels flat
And she feels flat
And dull and lifeless
And the air she needs to be filled
Is denied her
His lips are broken
So is she
8/31/18
Jump
Jump
Don't just stand there
leap
Dance
Let your heart speak
Don't continuously muffle
Its cries and shouts
Let it acknowledge
Ungagged
Joys and sorrows
Hopes
Possibilities
Stand there on that ledge
Frozen
And you lose
you lose
You never know
That moment of flight
...or anything else
But your own fear and
Your reluctance
To feel
10/25/18
Don't just stand there
leap
Dance
Let your heart speak
Don't continuously muffle
Its cries and shouts
Let it acknowledge
Ungagged
Joys and sorrows
Hopes
Possibilities
Stand there on that ledge
Frozen
And you lose
you lose
You never know
That moment of flight
...or anything else
But your own fear and
Your reluctance
To feel
10/25/18
Let's be humans together...
Let's be humans together
We will make mistakes
Fall
And skin our knees
Lose things
And find them
Say stupid things
And cry
Try to take it all back
Let's be humans, you and I
And not expect perfection
Or salvation
From each other
So we'll forgive
Let's make love
Hold hands
Kiss under stars or roofs or blankets
Face the big unknown together
Be my human, I'll be yours
Let's be human together
10/28/18
We will make mistakes
Fall
And skin our knees
Lose things
And find them
Say stupid things
And cry
Try to take it all back
Let's be humans, you and I
And not expect perfection
Or salvation
From each other
So we'll forgive
Let's make love
Hold hands
Kiss under stars or roofs or blankets
Face the big unknown together
Be my human, I'll be yours
Let's be human together
10/28/18
Assorted poems and pieces of poems...
There are true things
We know them to be true
But we learn the art
Of careful acknowledgement
In ways that don't pierce or grate
----
Some hearts
only open so much
Fixed volume
Limited capacity
Rigidity
Cracking, breaking
No ability or desire to expand
Boundaries clearly defined
There are other hearts
That know no such finite plane
Stretching, conforming
Open wide to accept
To accomodate
And even to pour out
When broken, they bleed
Wounds flow with pain and loss
But that love, life's blood
That ache, only serves
To extend, expand their borders
Blur the bounds
Unclosed
Unobstructed
---
It was in the drawer
Over all those
Miscellaneous items
Pens, bills, assorted
This and that
Face down
Not out
not on a dresser, a mantle
Nor even a nightstand in
A spare room
It spoke volumes
About things like
Intention, importance
Recognition and acceptance
The lack thereof
A maybe later
Not now
Lack of commitment
And I believed
Everything it said
12/22/18
----
He holds on
To things from long ago
To old things
Worn things
Things are still beautiful
And useful
With meaning and history
in his eyes
I want to be treasured
And kept
Long past my prime
Meaningful
Beautiful
And loved
------
I was numb
With thoughts of new beginnings
Baseless dreams
That lovers dream
When bodies are yearning
And "just us" high
The whole world seems full
Full of promise, portent
And then feeling creeps back
Tingling in the fingers, toes
Reality creeping up, up
Toward the heart
Toward the head
8/11/18
-------------
Shhhhh, in your eyes I see it
In your touch I feel it
Quiet, now
As we absorb each other
Mold into each other
Gather our hearts together
Joined in a rhythm
That we create
A music of our own
That fits us and only us
No past, no fears
We let them go
As this thing we are becoming
Grows
There will be a time
To shout it out, to say
That I am yours
And you are mine
Until then quietly
We can adore each other
Growing more secure day by day
In what we are building
7/29/18
--------------------
I was your number one
And now you are gone and I'm
Second or third
Or fourth
Or a by word
A nice girl
With a good heart
Valued
But no pretense
Other nouns and ideas
Are esteemed more highly
And aye, there it is
And more's the pity
Take the crumbs
Or not...
We know them to be true
But we learn the art
Of careful acknowledgement
In ways that don't pierce or grate
----
Some hearts
only open so much
Fixed volume
Limited capacity
Rigidity
Cracking, breaking
No ability or desire to expand
Boundaries clearly defined
There are other hearts
That know no such finite plane
Stretching, conforming
Open wide to accept
To accomodate
And even to pour out
When broken, they bleed
Wounds flow with pain and loss
But that love, life's blood
That ache, only serves
To extend, expand their borders
Blur the bounds
Unclosed
Unobstructed
---
It was in the drawer
Over all those
Miscellaneous items
Pens, bills, assorted
This and that
Face down
Not out
not on a dresser, a mantle
Nor even a nightstand in
A spare room
It spoke volumes
About things like
Intention, importance
Recognition and acceptance
The lack thereof
A maybe later
Not now
Lack of commitment
And I believed
Everything it said
12/22/18
----
He holds on
To things from long ago
To old things
Worn things
Things are still beautiful
And useful
With meaning and history
in his eyes
I want to be treasured
And kept
Long past my prime
Meaningful
Beautiful
And loved
------
I was numb
With thoughts of new beginnings
Baseless dreams
That lovers dream
When bodies are yearning
And "just us" high
The whole world seems full
Full of promise, portent
And then feeling creeps back
Tingling in the fingers, toes
Reality creeping up, up
Toward the heart
Toward the head
8/11/18
-------------
Shhhhh, in your eyes I see it
In your touch I feel it
Quiet, now
As we absorb each other
Mold into each other
Gather our hearts together
Joined in a rhythm
That we create
A music of our own
That fits us and only us
No past, no fears
We let them go
As this thing we are becoming
Grows
There will be a time
To shout it out, to say
That I am yours
And you are mine
Until then quietly
We can adore each other
Growing more secure day by day
In what we are building
7/29/18
--------------------
I was your number one
And now you are gone and I'm
Second or third
Or fourth
Or a by word
A nice girl
With a good heart
Valued
But no pretense
Other nouns and ideas
Are esteemed more highly
And aye, there it is
And more's the pity
Take the crumbs
Or not...
Friday, November 30, 2018
Wall
I felt
The layering of the bricks
Rising most certainly
Between us
I felt the air chill
And wondered
Were they made of ice?
Chin height
We looked at each other
Over the wall
Hearts apart
Perhaps maybe
One day
Worlds apart
I asked
What material did you build with?
Was it sticks?
Sticks could easily be kicked down
But, no, I knew it was bricks
You said there was no mortar
Give it time
Time perhaps
Will allow it to be pushed over
But it went up far too fast
The rapidity
The solidity
Frightened me
And the chill of that ice
Bid me to turn away
If there was to be a gate
In your haste
It was forgotten
And standing
Outside a wall
I felt the fool
Knocking on a wall
Without a door
The layering of the bricks
Rising most certainly
Between us
I felt the air chill
And wondered
Were they made of ice?
Chin height
We looked at each other
Over the wall
Hearts apart
Perhaps maybe
One day
Worlds apart
I asked
What material did you build with?
Was it sticks?
Sticks could easily be kicked down
But, no, I knew it was bricks
You said there was no mortar
Give it time
Time perhaps
Will allow it to be pushed over
But it went up far too fast
The rapidity
The solidity
Frightened me
And the chill of that ice
Bid me to turn away
If there was to be a gate
In your haste
It was forgotten
And standing
Outside a wall
I felt the fool
Knocking on a wall
Without a door
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Content in the now...
I was driving away from the yoga class I just taught, and it struck me how thankful I am for now. For this moment. This present time. For the ways God has chosen to bless me. For the lessons I've learned. For the sense of contentment that has lately been covering me like a blanket tucked around me by a loving mother.
It's funny, not in a haha way, but in an ironic way, that sometimes we need to spend a season in Hell to truly be thankful for peace. Certainly, the last couple of years since Pat died have been a roller coaster, one that had sharp turns, steep drops, and frighteningly, no known end in sight. Times that I thought I found a straight away with the exit within visual range, the coaster would bank suddenly and off I'd head for another nail-biting go-round. By the way, I have never liked roller coasters.
Perhaps right now, I'm on one of those straight aways. I don't know if I'll be enjoying a period of recuperation or entering another "How long, Lord?" phase where I come face to face with the living not just the conceptualizing of "walking by faith and not by sight.' I've had those moments where I simply felt "done" with all the stress and like Elijah, sat down under my broom tree and wished it would all just be over. Sure enough, God has nourished me and put me back on my feet. In I Kings 19:11-13, "The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?" And when Elijah answered, the Father let him complain - and then gave him direction. I'm listening for that still small voice.
I suppose that through each trial, I'm learning to be more like the Apostle Paul who said in Philippians, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." In order to master this attitude, we must accept it is necessary to become accustomed to both conditions. Hard to swallow, but I'm not going to learn this sort of contentment if life is always tailored to my liking.
And so, I am grateful for where I am at this moment in my life. The things God has done in my life. The successes and failures of 2018. In my kitchen I am making a pie from a pumpkin that I grew in my very own yard completely unexpectedly, from waste raked to the roadside.I'm going to work two minutes from my home; I'm fortunate to be in a supportive, caring work environment, collaborating with a believer who regards me as an answer to prayer. It's nice to be an answer to someone's prayers. My wonderful daughters and precious grandchildren bring endless joy and meaning to my life. I've got friendships that have withstood the test of time; real, true friends are to be cherished. Six months ago the Father put a godly man in my life and we've been learning each other, building possibilities and growing in hopes. Again, being the answer to someone's prayers is special. Several times a week I have the privilege of instructing fitness classes, just as I did tonight. How fabulous it is to get paid to do what you love! My book is nearly done; I have a volume of poetry as well - and a short story that will hopefully be published next year. While I do not know where the road is leading, I do know that my Lord's plans for me are for good. So right here, right now, I'm grateful to be content. To be happy. To enjoy today. To give glory to my King.
It's funny, not in a haha way, but in an ironic way, that sometimes we need to spend a season in Hell to truly be thankful for peace. Certainly, the last couple of years since Pat died have been a roller coaster, one that had sharp turns, steep drops, and frighteningly, no known end in sight. Times that I thought I found a straight away with the exit within visual range, the coaster would bank suddenly and off I'd head for another nail-biting go-round. By the way, I have never liked roller coasters.
Perhaps right now, I'm on one of those straight aways. I don't know if I'll be enjoying a period of recuperation or entering another "How long, Lord?" phase where I come face to face with the living not just the conceptualizing of "walking by faith and not by sight.' I've had those moments where I simply felt "done" with all the stress and like Elijah, sat down under my broom tree and wished it would all just be over. Sure enough, God has nourished me and put me back on my feet. In I Kings 19:11-13, "The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?" And when Elijah answered, the Father let him complain - and then gave him direction. I'm listening for that still small voice.
I suppose that through each trial, I'm learning to be more like the Apostle Paul who said in Philippians, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." In order to master this attitude, we must accept it is necessary to become accustomed to both conditions. Hard to swallow, but I'm not going to learn this sort of contentment if life is always tailored to my liking.
And so, I am grateful for where I am at this moment in my life. The things God has done in my life. The successes and failures of 2018. In my kitchen I am making a pie from a pumpkin that I grew in my very own yard completely unexpectedly, from waste raked to the roadside.I'm going to work two minutes from my home; I'm fortunate to be in a supportive, caring work environment, collaborating with a believer who regards me as an answer to prayer. It's nice to be an answer to someone's prayers. My wonderful daughters and precious grandchildren bring endless joy and meaning to my life. I've got friendships that have withstood the test of time; real, true friends are to be cherished. Six months ago the Father put a godly man in my life and we've been learning each other, building possibilities and growing in hopes. Again, being the answer to someone's prayers is special. Several times a week I have the privilege of instructing fitness classes, just as I did tonight. How fabulous it is to get paid to do what you love! My book is nearly done; I have a volume of poetry as well - and a short story that will hopefully be published next year. While I do not know where the road is leading, I do know that my Lord's plans for me are for good. So right here, right now, I'm grateful to be content. To be happy. To enjoy today. To give glory to my King.
Turning the pieces
Let's meet at the beach
And have picnics on Sundays
Until the dogs are old and the
cats have died
And then...
No, let's mix them up and
Learn to live, to mingle
Let every day
Be Sunday
Predictability says
That you hang back
Predictability says
That I plunge in
Incompatibility says
This won't work
Faith says
Two become one
And we spend a life time
Building our puzzle
Turning the pieces this way and that
Until we find what fits
And have picnics on Sundays
Until the dogs are old and the
cats have died
And then...
No, let's mix them up and
Learn to live, to mingle
Let every day
Be Sunday
Predictability says
That you hang back
Predictability says
That I plunge in
Incompatibility says
This won't work
Faith says
Two become one
And we spend a life time
Building our puzzle
Turning the pieces this way and that
Until we find what fits
Sunday, November 11, 2018
Kintsugi
After all these years, he thought aloud
Maybe he didn't understand
Love
Wasn't it a hand that was snatched away?
A comfortable shoe
That wore down and got tossed in the trash
When the rocks and wet came in
A scenic view but beware the precipice
Tread carefully, play it safe
No, no
After all these years
Her heart had a different understanding
Love
Is to be vulnerable and hold on
Its behaving like an idiot
And knowing, even if I'm a jerk
I'm your jerk and you are mine
It is to spend forever
Working to fit square pegs into round holes
With the faith that
Someday
The puzzle would come together
It is stepping out in fear but believing
That a gift of each heart will be treasured by the other
And so I place mine in your hand
Taking yours in mine
Accepting each as a precious
Once exchanged, we commit
That we shall guard them carefully
And if you should stumble, or should I?
Love is accepting that a crack or two
Might need some TLC
Some glue to fix...but we don't throw away
We'll mend them with gold, Kintsugi
And those repairs will add to the history and
Beauty of the love we share
Until then
Take take my dog hair
And I'll take your pessimism
Take my need for reassurance
And I'll banish your insecurities
We'll take misunderstandings and
Plunge recklessly past them
We'll stand on that precipice and enjoy the scenic view
And jump
Together
Because love doesn't play it safe
Yet it's the most secure place you'll ever be
A work in progress 11/11/2018
Maybe he didn't understand
Love
Wasn't it a hand that was snatched away?
A comfortable shoe
That wore down and got tossed in the trash
When the rocks and wet came in
A scenic view but beware the precipice
Tread carefully, play it safe
No, no
After all these years
Her heart had a different understanding
Love
Is to be vulnerable and hold on
Its behaving like an idiot
And knowing, even if I'm a jerk
I'm your jerk and you are mine
It is to spend forever
Working to fit square pegs into round holes
With the faith that
Someday
The puzzle would come together
It is stepping out in fear but believing
That a gift of each heart will be treasured by the other
And so I place mine in your hand
Taking yours in mine
Accepting each as a precious
Once exchanged, we commit
That we shall guard them carefully
And if you should stumble, or should I?
Love is accepting that a crack or two
Might need some TLC
Some glue to fix...but we don't throw away
We'll mend them with gold, Kintsugi
And those repairs will add to the history and
Beauty of the love we share
Until then
Take take my dog hair
And I'll take your pessimism
Take my need for reassurance
And I'll banish your insecurities
We'll take misunderstandings and
Plunge recklessly past them
We'll stand on that precipice and enjoy the scenic view
And jump
Together
Because love doesn't play it safe
Yet it's the most secure place you'll ever be
A work in progress 11/11/2018
Saturday, November 3, 2018
The death of the accidental pumpkin patch...
It was inevitable: the death of the accidental pumpkin patch. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 is common knowledge - “To everything there is a season and a purpose under heaven...a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to uproot…” This is the end for my accidental pumpkin patch. It has known its season and its time has come. I can’t begin to express how much joy this pumpkin patch brought to me this year. 2018 has been a rough year and that wild, unexpected garden was such a blessing in the midst of adjustments, unknowns, facing the music to the tune of big mistakes -- all part of my continued realization of widowhood.
I’ve said before - I’m not much of a gardener. My husband and I always joked that I had the Black Thumb of Death. Pat would warn not to let plants get near me. My grandfather, Leonard, was a terrific gardner; I have pictures of him standing proudly amidst his produce. He died when I was very small but my few memories of him include the beautiful garden he grew. I never thought I inherited the genes for that skill - I was prone to over-watering. Once damage from over-watering was done I would be afraid and then under water. I always had a rough time getting a knack for keeping greenery alive. It’s not that I didn’t want to... I’ve tried growing things before and wound up with one tiny cucumber, a cantaloupe, watermelon eaten by ants when it was under 3 inches long, and one perfect pumpkin that I cherished. I get very, very excited about pumpkins so I always felt that one was a big success. (I made it into pies after admiring it for a few weeks). Having a volunteer pumpkin patch decide to grow on its own, right outside my kitchen window - this was spectacular!
Given that I had tried to grow pumpkins before and wound up with just one, I wasn’t very confident but I read up on the topic. I studied the needs of pumpkins, learned how to feed them and water them properly. I kept turning the vines from the street. I fought off slugs and mildew with help from friends in the know (big thanks to cousin Pete). I went out there daily with a paintbrush and a Q-tip ready to help pollinate (I learned about pumpkin plants having male and female flowers - quite interesting). Turns out I didn’t need to help the process. Bees and friendly little bugs were hard at work from dawn until midday. Before I knew it, pumpkins were growing and I, with bated breath, was out of doors every morning checking for new ones.
Some grew well, some didn’t. Some started off with promise and were attacked by slugs or worms that pierced through the still soft outer skin. How much this reminded me of myself! As I have been adjusting to widowhood, I’ve scattered my seed in the forms of hopes, dreams and bids for survival. Some of that seed grew, some didn’t. Of the seeds that grew, there were many that held promise but could not grow to maturity because the soil that wasn’t right, the attacks of the enemy, or my own neglect. Some pumpkins were hardy; some were fragile from the get-go.
In my pumpkin patch, the seeds all came from one pumpkin but the pumpkins that grew all looked very different. There were large pumpkins, oval pumpkins, pigmy albinos, small green ones that didn’t turn orange… variety. There were ones that held promise, that I was so excited about, and that couldn’t take the heat after harvest and rotted sooner than I expected. And so my plans and expectations have all been different -- and even things I thought held great promise didn’t necessarily last.
So as you can see in the photo, my pumpkin patch is dying and I’m sad to see it go. Harvesting that last pumpkin was like reading the last page of a book that I didn’t want to end… but it doesn’t have to. The characters in a book live on - a sequel could be written, just like my pumpkin patch is not truly, really dead; it’s fruit will be used for future growth. The beautiful pumpkins that didn’t stay intact as I hoped? They are out in the far back of my yard and I hope to grow a planned pumpkin patch with them next year. Each seed holds within it the hope of a new pumpkin vine and the potential for future fruit. John 12:24 reads, “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” Think of how many seeds are in each pumpkin! Think of how many seeds - ideas, dreams, goals, challenges - are in me, just waiting for a chance to be planted.
The accidental pumpkin patch wasn’t in the safest place but it grew...and I learned from its growth. My hope is to use what I have learned to be a wise and prepared gardener, not just a gardener by chance. I will strive to grow things in the best place -- but I’ll still be open to surprise gardens. There are things in my life that held promise, that even produced fruit...and their season is also over. I think of Thomas Edison who said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” For the things that I put hope in that didn’t float, Learning growth and death, success and failure, the patterns or the randomness - it has all been and continues to be necessary for me to become who I’m meant to be. Maybe the pumpkin patch right there, accidentally planted on a roadside, is who I am… but maybe my life in its fullest is still a seed inside one of the pumpkins that grew from that patch and needs to be planted, grow its own vine, and become a patch to be reckoned with.
So is this the end of my accidental pumpkin patch? I don’t think so...within the seeds it nourished there is hope.
I’ve said before - I’m not much of a gardener. My husband and I always joked that I had the Black Thumb of Death. Pat would warn not to let plants get near me. My grandfather, Leonard, was a terrific gardner; I have pictures of him standing proudly amidst his produce. He died when I was very small but my few memories of him include the beautiful garden he grew. I never thought I inherited the genes for that skill - I was prone to over-watering. Once damage from over-watering was done I would be afraid and then under water. I always had a rough time getting a knack for keeping greenery alive. It’s not that I didn’t want to... I’ve tried growing things before and wound up with one tiny cucumber, a cantaloupe, watermelon eaten by ants when it was under 3 inches long, and one perfect pumpkin that I cherished. I get very, very excited about pumpkins so I always felt that one was a big success. (I made it into pies after admiring it for a few weeks). Having a volunteer pumpkin patch decide to grow on its own, right outside my kitchen window - this was spectacular!
Given that I had tried to grow pumpkins before and wound up with just one, I wasn’t very confident but I read up on the topic. I studied the needs of pumpkins, learned how to feed them and water them properly. I kept turning the vines from the street. I fought off slugs and mildew with help from friends in the know (big thanks to cousin Pete). I went out there daily with a paintbrush and a Q-tip ready to help pollinate (I learned about pumpkin plants having male and female flowers - quite interesting). Turns out I didn’t need to help the process. Bees and friendly little bugs were hard at work from dawn until midday. Before I knew it, pumpkins were growing and I, with bated breath, was out of doors every morning checking for new ones.
Some grew well, some didn’t. Some started off with promise and were attacked by slugs or worms that pierced through the still soft outer skin. How much this reminded me of myself! As I have been adjusting to widowhood, I’ve scattered my seed in the forms of hopes, dreams and bids for survival. Some of that seed grew, some didn’t. Of the seeds that grew, there were many that held promise but could not grow to maturity because the soil that wasn’t right, the attacks of the enemy, or my own neglect. Some pumpkins were hardy; some were fragile from the get-go.
In my pumpkin patch, the seeds all came from one pumpkin but the pumpkins that grew all looked very different. There were large pumpkins, oval pumpkins, pigmy albinos, small green ones that didn’t turn orange… variety. There were ones that held promise, that I was so excited about, and that couldn’t take the heat after harvest and rotted sooner than I expected. And so my plans and expectations have all been different -- and even things I thought held great promise didn’t necessarily last.
So as you can see in the photo, my pumpkin patch is dying and I’m sad to see it go. Harvesting that last pumpkin was like reading the last page of a book that I didn’t want to end… but it doesn’t have to. The characters in a book live on - a sequel could be written, just like my pumpkin patch is not truly, really dead; it’s fruit will be used for future growth. The beautiful pumpkins that didn’t stay intact as I hoped? They are out in the far back of my yard and I hope to grow a planned pumpkin patch with them next year. Each seed holds within it the hope of a new pumpkin vine and the potential for future fruit. John 12:24 reads, “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds” Think of how many seeds are in each pumpkin! Think of how many seeds - ideas, dreams, goals, challenges - are in me, just waiting for a chance to be planted.
The accidental pumpkin patch wasn’t in the safest place but it grew...and I learned from its growth. My hope is to use what I have learned to be a wise and prepared gardener, not just a gardener by chance. I will strive to grow things in the best place -- but I’ll still be open to surprise gardens. There are things in my life that held promise, that even produced fruit...and their season is also over. I think of Thomas Edison who said, “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” For the things that I put hope in that didn’t float, Learning growth and death, success and failure, the patterns or the randomness - it has all been and continues to be necessary for me to become who I’m meant to be. Maybe the pumpkin patch right there, accidentally planted on a roadside, is who I am… but maybe my life in its fullest is still a seed inside one of the pumpkins that grew from that patch and needs to be planted, grow its own vine, and become a patch to be reckoned with.
So is this the end of my accidental pumpkin patch? I don’t think so...within the seeds it nourished there is hope.
Saturday, August 25, 2018
Habits —
Written on July 24, 2018
Habits, even bad ones
Are hard to shake
Knowing it’s no good
Or wrong
Or unproductive
Cannot be enough
Funny how you can get
A wishful thinking
For a shoe that didn’t fit
But made you feel pretty for a
moment
Or for a back that never got scratched
A neck that needed rubbing
And never found a willing hand
Perhaps the state of discomfort
Kept you on edge
And that edge of never
Having or being enough
Was somehow easier than accepting happiness
Than accepting you can be
Appreciated
Adored
Mutually respected
Silly girl, I tell you
Let old bad habits fall
Into memory boxes
That never get opened
On the back shelf
In the darkest corner
Or straight to the trash heap
Where they belong with
Unappetizing junk like
Stale bread or soggy chips
Let them just be lessons learned
Cautionary tales heeded
And smile at the happy groove
Of good times present
Saturday, August 4, 2018
Threshold
Her heart was on her sleeve
Like a neon sign
Flashing "Vacancy"
She had room to love
Room to care
A predisposition to vulnerability
His heart was tucked
Securely in his breast pocket
Wrapped with a handkerchief
He was afraid to open it
And held it close
Not willing to be less than cautious
She? She liked to test the water,
Not with a finger dipped in to gauge
Too hot or too cold
But with a cannon ball
Full immersion
Risk taken
He couldn't swim
So he kept himself safe from the edge
Close, but never deep
Watching the waves
Nothing ventured
Nothing gained
Her heart sings and longs to hear
A a splash as he joins her
Or melody sung from the shore in return
His heart is choked and silent
Disappointment has a hand
Suffocating his words
Paralyzing, immobilizing
So His eyes burn, they seem to plead
"Read me!"
Seeking to give a sign
Of depth beneath the silence
Time, he thought, in time
A sound might escape these lips
If only she would wait...
She doesn't waste time
Or watch clocks tick
She knows that clocks stop
And hearts don't just break
Sometimes their beating ends
And so
Her heart is on her sleeve
Like a neon sign
Flashing vacancy
Predisposed to vulnerability
A tear is on her cheek
And warmth is in her arms, in her hopes
He stands on the threshold
Mute
"Fear is a damnable thing," she says
The light is on
The door is open
But it is getting late
Pesky doubts just like
Mosquitoes and bats
Are drawn to the light
Of a door left cracked
Her heart was on her sleeve
Like a neon sign
Flashing vacancy
Predisposed to vulnerability
He took a step ...
Like a neon sign
Flashing "Vacancy"
She had room to love
Room to care
A predisposition to vulnerability
His heart was tucked
Securely in his breast pocket
Wrapped with a handkerchief
He was afraid to open it
And held it close
Not willing to be less than cautious
She? She liked to test the water,
Not with a finger dipped in to gauge
Too hot or too cold
But with a cannon ball
Full immersion
Risk taken
He couldn't swim
So he kept himself safe from the edge
Close, but never deep
Watching the waves
Nothing ventured
Nothing gained
Her heart sings and longs to hear
A a splash as he joins her
Or melody sung from the shore in return
His heart is choked and silent
Disappointment has a hand
Suffocating his words
Paralyzing, immobilizing
So His eyes burn, they seem to plead
"Read me!"
Seeking to give a sign
Of depth beneath the silence
Time, he thought, in time
A sound might escape these lips
If only she would wait...
She doesn't waste time
Or watch clocks tick
She knows that clocks stop
And hearts don't just break
Sometimes their beating ends
And so
Her heart is on her sleeve
Like a neon sign
Flashing vacancy
Predisposed to vulnerability
A tear is on her cheek
And warmth is in her arms, in her hopes
He stands on the threshold
Mute
"Fear is a damnable thing," she says
The light is on
The door is open
But it is getting late
Pesky doubts just like
Mosquitoes and bats
Are drawn to the light
Of a door left cracked
Her heart was on her sleeve
Like a neon sign
Flashing vacancy
Predisposed to vulnerability
He took a step ...
Friday, July 27, 2018
Fruit that doesn't mature - more from the pumpkin patch
We had some wonderful rain last night so I went out to survey my accidental pumpkin patch this morning to see how it fared during the storm. While the majority of pumpkins are doing fine, I took sad notice that one of the newest fruits was dying. Not having a massive crop, it is a mournful thing to see a little one that didn't make it. I'm emotionally invested in this pumpkin patch, so I've developed a tendency to place high hope into each baby pumpkin that has begun.
Having dealt with the major loss of my husband, I've become aware of a couple of things. A huge loss can numb you to other losses or it can make you hypersensitive to smaller losses. Each failure, each expectation that fails to grow to maturity, each time there is some sort of ending, will be deeply noticed. Often your reaction will form echoing changes made to you by that greater loss. I've seen this in other people's lives; I see it in my own. My reaction could be something like, "Yep, another pumpkin died. I should've expected it. Nothing goes right. God hates me." or "Oh, no! One of my babies is rotten! What did I do wrong? Omigosh, now there are only 7 pumpkins. What if more die?" or even, "Why do I even care? I didn't plant these pumpkins; they are more trouble than they are worth. I don't need them!" None of those reactions suit me; I think I'm learning to adapt.
As I said above, I'm emotionally invested in my accidental pumpkin patch. Why? Because I see so much of myself in that patch growing from a rotted pumpkin swept out to the street-end of the driveway. It's "me" as I've found myself without my husband. The loss of Pat has been hard and still is - a hard fact it has taught me is that life goes on and I must go on. And so this patch reminds me that I can grow, I can bloom, and even produce fruit. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.' Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)
That fruit represents singular hopes to me -- ideas, plans... Now, as an adult, I know that not every idea will find its way to maturation. Not every hope is realistic; some are false. As my favorite Scottish bard famously said, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." Looking out there over my pumpkin patch, I've got two big fat pumpkins who are doing fantastically. These remind me of the ideas/plans that I have that are built on solid skills/gifts that I know God has given me and I use. Nurture and care are still required, but I feel confident in their success. There are a couple newer ones, past what I consider the danger stage, that appear to be growing nicely. I've noticed that in all of these spacing is key. Too many fruits cluttered by one vine don't make it.
The albino pumpkins (two right now) are slower to grow but appear to be doing well. These are perhaps the odd-ball hopes and ideas of mine, things that I want to or need to develop. They are the possibilities that I hadn't considered but am taking a chance with and am pleasantly surprised at seeing progress. I can honestly say I've been surprised by bits and pieces of "me" that I wasn't aware of, abilities I didn't know I had and interests that I'm just beginning to explore and expand.
The baby pumpkins dying so young are ideas that came at the wrong time or those things I'm spread to thin to put enough effort or energy into. Perhaps they weren't the best for me or they are those things that I've put false hope into. Then there is the little pumpkin that got accidentally run over and smashed -- well, that was a plan or possibility that was "out on the limb." Either it was too far-fetched or I simply wasn't guarding it well. It's a good idea to be wary of putting yourself "out there" where you or yours could be in harm's way. "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3 That particular smashed pumpkin specifically reminds me of a big mistake I made that I have gleaned a great deal from, albeit painfully.
As I continue to watch this unexpected garden grow, I keep learning new things about it and about myself. Isaiah 58:11 energizes me, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." I pray that God helps me put my energy into ideas that He blesses, to not invest my heart in false hopes, and to help me to accept small losses with dignity while directing my energies towards developing spiritual fruit and not selfish gain. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
Having dealt with the major loss of my husband, I've become aware of a couple of things. A huge loss can numb you to other losses or it can make you hypersensitive to smaller losses. Each failure, each expectation that fails to grow to maturity, each time there is some sort of ending, will be deeply noticed. Often your reaction will form echoing changes made to you by that greater loss. I've seen this in other people's lives; I see it in my own. My reaction could be something like, "Yep, another pumpkin died. I should've expected it. Nothing goes right. God hates me." or "Oh, no! One of my babies is rotten! What did I do wrong? Omigosh, now there are only 7 pumpkins. What if more die?" or even, "Why do I even care? I didn't plant these pumpkins; they are more trouble than they are worth. I don't need them!" None of those reactions suit me; I think I'm learning to adapt.
As I said above, I'm emotionally invested in my accidental pumpkin patch. Why? Because I see so much of myself in that patch growing from a rotted pumpkin swept out to the street-end of the driveway. It's "me" as I've found myself without my husband. The loss of Pat has been hard and still is - a hard fact it has taught me is that life goes on and I must go on. And so this patch reminds me that I can grow, I can bloom, and even produce fruit. "Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
and he will establish your plans.' Proverbs 16:3 (NIV)
That fruit represents singular hopes to me -- ideas, plans... Now, as an adult, I know that not every idea will find its way to maturation. Not every hope is realistic; some are false. As my favorite Scottish bard famously said, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." Looking out there over my pumpkin patch, I've got two big fat pumpkins who are doing fantastically. These remind me of the ideas/plans that I have that are built on solid skills/gifts that I know God has given me and I use. Nurture and care are still required, but I feel confident in their success. There are a couple newer ones, past what I consider the danger stage, that appear to be growing nicely. I've noticed that in all of these spacing is key. Too many fruits cluttered by one vine don't make it.
The albino pumpkins (two right now) are slower to grow but appear to be doing well. These are perhaps the odd-ball hopes and ideas of mine, things that I want to or need to develop. They are the possibilities that I hadn't considered but am taking a chance with and am pleasantly surprised at seeing progress. I can honestly say I've been surprised by bits and pieces of "me" that I wasn't aware of, abilities I didn't know I had and interests that I'm just beginning to explore and expand.
The baby pumpkins dying so young are ideas that came at the wrong time or those things I'm spread to thin to put enough effort or energy into. Perhaps they weren't the best for me or they are those things that I've put false hope into. Then there is the little pumpkin that got accidentally run over and smashed -- well, that was a plan or possibility that was "out on the limb." Either it was too far-fetched or I simply wasn't guarding it well. It's a good idea to be wary of putting yourself "out there" where you or yours could be in harm's way. "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Proverbs 16:3 That particular smashed pumpkin specifically reminds me of a big mistake I made that I have gleaned a great deal from, albeit painfully.
As I continue to watch this unexpected garden grow, I keep learning new things about it and about myself. Isaiah 58:11 energizes me, "The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." I pray that God helps me put my energy into ideas that He blesses, to not invest my heart in false hopes, and to help me to accept small losses with dignity while directing my energies towards developing spiritual fruit and not selfish gain. "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
More from the accidental pumpkin patch
My accidental roadside pumpkin patch took a hit this weekend. While I was at church, someone must have decided to turn around in my driveway and in doing so clipped the edge of the patch, taking out a fledgling pumpkin that germinated to close to the driveway. I mourned when I first noticed this. Eddy and I examined the direction in which the leaves were flattened, trying to figure out what happened. Forensic gardeners, we are not, but we did figure out that the area that was hit was only hit once. The tires didn't go back over in the same spot. The little pumpkin that got flattened was the size of a nectarine and will be missed. Anyhow, there are still lessons to be learned by the demise of the pumpkin on the edge.
First of all, I should've put up some kind of boundary around them. A stick with a flag. Something. I've been busy and Home Depot, Tractor Supply, well, those are not my favorite stores to shop in. There will be times you have to go out of your way. to protect what is yours. The Bible says to, "Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the wellsprings of life." (Proverbs 4:23, KJV) If you're going to be growing and sprouting fruit in a dangerous or unlikely area, you need to take extra precautions -- and if circumstances have you exposing your heart, you need a good set of standards to those tender parts out of harm's way.
Some people show up in your life only to turn around in your driveway. They aren't looking to see if you have anything growing on the side. They aren't worried about anything but using your driveway to fulfill a need of their own to turn and go somewhere else. For people like this, they care about your driveway being convenient - they are not likely to notice that you have a nice pumpkin patch growing off to one side. You never know when people like this will show up so while it is tempting to have something spikey and dangerous around the pumpkins to protect them a nice tall stick with a flag at the corner and possibly a fence should help. In life, these are the people who want stuff from you and perhaps you need to make sure you have a flag up. This kind of stuff is unpredictable so you just need to prepare by having whatever the pumpkins in your life are protected. That way people can do a quick turn around and you aren't injured. "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16, NKJV) Basically, be prepared. Don't be a fool. Get some markers up; get a sign that says "Keep off the pumpkins!" if need be.
Eddy reminded me that there are also those people who have no interest in your pumpkins and no respect for your passion for them. They probably think it is a stupid place to grow them and really don't want to hear you talk about your massive unplanned garden. You will likely learn pretty fast that they simply have no desire to hear about your pumpkin plants and share none of your excitement. If your passion is spiritual things and you are growing spiritual fruit, don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. S/he will not care about turning you astray or offending you in any way. Certainly don't expect a person such as this to help you at all in nurturing your crop. Matthew 7:6 says, "Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces." (KJV)
I'm trying not to worry about the day coming when my pumpkins are ripe and appealing to thieves. That day may come...
First of all, I should've put up some kind of boundary around them. A stick with a flag. Something. I've been busy and Home Depot, Tractor Supply, well, those are not my favorite stores to shop in. There will be times you have to go out of your way. to protect what is yours. The Bible says to, "Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flow the wellsprings of life." (Proverbs 4:23, KJV) If you're going to be growing and sprouting fruit in a dangerous or unlikely area, you need to take extra precautions -- and if circumstances have you exposing your heart, you need a good set of standards to those tender parts out of harm's way.
Some people show up in your life only to turn around in your driveway. They aren't looking to see if you have anything growing on the side. They aren't worried about anything but using your driveway to fulfill a need of their own to turn and go somewhere else. For people like this, they care about your driveway being convenient - they are not likely to notice that you have a nice pumpkin patch growing off to one side. You never know when people like this will show up so while it is tempting to have something spikey and dangerous around the pumpkins to protect them a nice tall stick with a flag at the corner and possibly a fence should help. In life, these are the people who want stuff from you and perhaps you need to make sure you have a flag up. This kind of stuff is unpredictable so you just need to prepare by having whatever the pumpkins in your life are protected. That way people can do a quick turn around and you aren't injured. "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:15-16, NKJV) Basically, be prepared. Don't be a fool. Get some markers up; get a sign that says "Keep off the pumpkins!" if need be.
Eddy reminded me that there are also those people who have no interest in your pumpkins and no respect for your passion for them. They probably think it is a stupid place to grow them and really don't want to hear you talk about your massive unplanned garden. You will likely learn pretty fast that they simply have no desire to hear about your pumpkin plants and share none of your excitement. If your passion is spiritual things and you are growing spiritual fruit, don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. S/he will not care about turning you astray or offending you in any way. Certainly don't expect a person such as this to help you at all in nurturing your crop. Matthew 7:6 says, "Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, or they will trample them under their feet, turn, and tear you to pieces." (KJV)
I'm trying not to worry about the day coming when my pumpkins are ripe and appealing to thieves. That day may come...
Wednesday, July 18, 2018
The accidental pumpkin patch - new pumpkins, new lessons
About ten days ago I started to worry about the soil my accidental pumpkin patch had decided to grow itself on. Off to the side at the end of my driveway isn't a place where I'd expect to find the most nourishing soil. Some wilty looking leaves had me afraid because I've become a bit attached to my pumpkin planting now. I began to research and discovered that my pumpkins needed more than just water and any-old dirt. They needed nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium. Not wanting my babies to starve, I went out and bought a balanced fertilizer mix. Ten days later, I'm seeing results.
Although my pumpkin patch began to grow in an unexpected place, I could not expect it to thrive without the proper nourishment. Watering it daily was a given, but I had to discover what food pumpkins need to thrive. I also discovered that there are pests that will need to be battled along the way (as well as making sure folks walking dogs don't let them pee on my roadside pumpkin patch).
Again, I see so much of myself in my pumpkin patch. I'm growing in a place I did not expect to grow but in order to thrive I need more than sunshine and rain. Jesus tells us in Matthew 4:4 that, "man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Eating daily of that manna, that bread of life is essential to my survival. John 6:35 tells us that He is the bread of life -- and I need the nutrients that only that heavenly Bread can provide. Prayer, to me, is the watering - it's that daily connection and communication with the Father. Like Isaiah cries out in 45:8, "Open up, O heavens, and pour out your righteousness. Let the earth open wide so salvation and righteousness can sprout up together."
Another thing needed to grow and thrive spiritually is fellowship. We are created to need each other. Man needed woman, a suitable partner and helpmeet. We, as the body of Christ, are made up of various members uniting as a whole in service of our Head. We need to invest ourselves in each others' lives, caring for each other, watching out for each other, building each other up, praying for each other. We need fellowship, to bond together in worship and in sharing our lives. KoinonÃa is that sharing together, participating with one another in a mutual bond. I'm so blessed to have friends who lift me up and share in this life in Christ. I'm also blessed that God chose to place Eddy in my life. Eddy, who worries over those pumpkins like I do, and Zane, who wants to check on them and water them with me, have made the pumpkin patch a shared endeavor. Shared ventures seem so much more rewarding to me. Rather than being an island, I like to be an archipelago. I think life is like that. While we leave this world singularly, while we are here life is so much more enjoyable when our lives are entwined and interdependent.
Invest yourself in someone's life and open yours to being invested in by others. Invest yourself in the community of your church fellowship. Above all, invest yourself in a relationship with the Life-giver and drink in the nutrients He so abundantly provides.
Although my pumpkin patch began to grow in an unexpected place, I could not expect it to thrive without the proper nourishment. Watering it daily was a given, but I had to discover what food pumpkins need to thrive. I also discovered that there are pests that will need to be battled along the way (as well as making sure folks walking dogs don't let them pee on my roadside pumpkin patch).
Again, I see so much of myself in my pumpkin patch. I'm growing in a place I did not expect to grow but in order to thrive I need more than sunshine and rain. Jesus tells us in Matthew 4:4 that, "man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Eating daily of that manna, that bread of life is essential to my survival. John 6:35 tells us that He is the bread of life -- and I need the nutrients that only that heavenly Bread can provide. Prayer, to me, is the watering - it's that daily connection and communication with the Father. Like Isaiah cries out in 45:8, "Open up, O heavens, and pour out your righteousness. Let the earth open wide so salvation and righteousness can sprout up together."
Another thing needed to grow and thrive spiritually is fellowship. We are created to need each other. Man needed woman, a suitable partner and helpmeet. We, as the body of Christ, are made up of various members uniting as a whole in service of our Head. We need to invest ourselves in each others' lives, caring for each other, watching out for each other, building each other up, praying for each other. We need fellowship, to bond together in worship and in sharing our lives. KoinonÃa is that sharing together, participating with one another in a mutual bond. I'm so blessed to have friends who lift me up and share in this life in Christ. I'm also blessed that God chose to place Eddy in my life. Eddy, who worries over those pumpkins like I do, and Zane, who wants to check on them and water them with me, have made the pumpkin patch a shared endeavor. Shared ventures seem so much more rewarding to me. Rather than being an island, I like to be an archipelago. I think life is like that. While we leave this world singularly, while we are here life is so much more enjoyable when our lives are entwined and interdependent.
Invest yourself in someone's life and open yours to being invested in by others. Invest yourself in the community of your church fellowship. Above all, invest yourself in a relationship with the Life-giver and drink in the nutrients He so abundantly provides.
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Combustion
Those kisses on my skin
Have burned into me
Learning to know you
And the touch of your lips
Feels right in a way that
A match does when it touches a wick
The wick can't help it,
but it is compelled
Compelled to drink in the flame
Your touch ignites possibilities
Chemical yearnings
Not a wildfire
But a brightly burning flame
The kind that keeps you warm
All winter
The kind you can trust
Trust to light the room, light my soul
There is an energy
Of emotion, of longing, of need
Sparks and gasoline kind of passion
Tempered by this deep feeling
That you're my home fire
Igniting my heart
And that these flames we create
Have a resting place
A hearth where they can safely dance
Together
Have burned into me
Learning to know you
And the touch of your lips
Feels right in a way that
A match does when it touches a wick
The wick can't help it,
but it is compelled
Compelled to drink in the flame
Your touch ignites possibilities
Chemical yearnings
Not a wildfire
But a brightly burning flame
The kind that keeps you warm
All winter
The kind you can trust
Trust to light the room, light my soul
There is an energy
Of emotion, of longing, of need
Sparks and gasoline kind of passion
Tempered by this deep feeling
That you're my home fire
Igniting my heart
And that these flames we create
Have a resting place
A hearth where they can safely dance
Together
Til death do you part
Traditional wedding vows include pledging fidelity until death separates the union. When you are saying those words, all starry-eyed, in love and ready to embark on "happily ever after," you do not necessarily embrace the reality that one day death will indeed separate you. For some it is sooner rather than later, yet we all tend to sail on into the sunset believing that tomorrow will never come.
It was no different for me. I pledged those words to my husband, Pat. In a world where the vows should say, not until death do us part, but until "money, adultery, shiny new things, etc." part us, we managed to stay together for 33 years of marriage. We quickly discovered that marriage was not sailing off into a glorious sunset. It was work - emotional, physical work. And word we did. We worked through personal problems, family problems, work problems, through times of plenty and times of little. We laughed and cried, fought hard and made up harder. After three decades together, we found a comfortable rhythm of life and were content to march to our own special beat together.
Death changed that. He arrived unexpectedly, of course, uninvited. Very few invite death knowingly. People that smoke cigarettes should know but most seem shocked when the inevitable consequences arise. They are clearly giving death a hand-written invitation but are, like Pat, in complete denial. I had expected at least another 5-10 years before Pat's poor health choices caught up to him in a life-ending way. He, on the other hand, obliviously boasted that it would be him who would be taking care of me in our old age. I had come to terms with the fact that nagging, pleading, and crying weren't going to lead him to change his ways. I did my best to provide healthy foods at home and to encourage him to take the vitamins and fish oil his doctor recommended.
Two years later his death still reminds me to take to heart that life can turn at any moment from idyllic to tragic. When this occurs, rest assured that the annoying things you feel you have to pick at, those things will be things you miss one day. Cherish the opportunity to just “be” with the people you care about and who care about you. You honestly never know when the scene will change from idyllic to tragic.
It was no different for me. I pledged those words to my husband, Pat. In a world where the vows should say, not until death do us part, but until "money, adultery, shiny new things, etc." part us, we managed to stay together for 33 years of marriage. We quickly discovered that marriage was not sailing off into a glorious sunset. It was work - emotional, physical work. And word we did. We worked through personal problems, family problems, work problems, through times of plenty and times of little. We laughed and cried, fought hard and made up harder. After three decades together, we found a comfortable rhythm of life and were content to march to our own special beat together.
Death changed that. He arrived unexpectedly, of course, uninvited. Very few invite death knowingly. People that smoke cigarettes should know but most seem shocked when the inevitable consequences arise. They are clearly giving death a hand-written invitation but are, like Pat, in complete denial. I had expected at least another 5-10 years before Pat's poor health choices caught up to him in a life-ending way. He, on the other hand, obliviously boasted that it would be him who would be taking care of me in our old age. I had come to terms with the fact that nagging, pleading, and crying weren't going to lead him to change his ways. I did my best to provide healthy foods at home and to encourage him to take the vitamins and fish oil his doctor recommended.
Two years later his death still reminds me to take to heart that life can turn at any moment from idyllic to tragic. When this occurs, rest assured that the annoying things you feel you have to pick at, those things will be things you miss one day. Cherish the opportunity to just “be” with the people you care about and who care about you. You honestly never know when the scene will change from idyllic to tragic.
Friday, June 29, 2018
My accidental pumpkin patch...and me
I had to take a writing break. In the midst of the clean up of a busy, busy week and on the verge of a busy, busy weekend, these thoughts were consuming too much of my heart and my head. They simply had to find a resting place on the keyboard. I'm certain it is becoming obvious that I'm a little excited about my accidental pumpkin patch. This is not only because I love pumpkins and pumpkin patches in general; it is also because I see so much of myself in this seemingly accidental planting.
The pumpkin from which this sprang was a beautiful pumpkin. It was painted up for Halloween and placed beside my backdoor in a little flower bed. Halloween ended, the next holidays quickly followed suit. A freeze came - and another - and another. That pumpkin began to disintegrate; it's purpose clearly was over. Spring came and it was a mournful, soggy mess of rot. There it sat in a pile of damp and decaying leaves. Clean-up surely was necessary! On a nice warm day in April, I got out the garden rake and I raked that mix of muck and leaves out to the side of the road where our city road crews come and take away yard trash to be made into compost.
The city clean up didn't arrive and there that pile of leaf matter sat, waiting for something to happen. A few warm days and then a few more. One day I was surprised to see a burst of life springing up from that rotted mess. They were so new, the seeds were still clinging to the sprouts. I confess, my heart skipped a beat or two. I didn't think they would make it, but I so very hoped that they would.
It's been a few short weeks now and my accidental pumpkin patch is thriving. It has grown and spread. I've had to redirect a few vines from crossing the street and place them back on the lawn where I could care less if they take over. After all, that pumpkin that once seemed lifeless and without purpose is GROWING. Children riding scooters down the road even admired it, one shouting with glee, "Hey! That's pumpkins!" That plant is certainly known by its fruit.
Now it is BLOOMING. Beautiful, glorious, ginormous pumpkin flowers are popping up within and without. The beauty is spectacular. My hope is that that blooms will bear fruit, that little pumpkins will begin to appear. If you think I'm happy now, wait until a pumpkin starts!
You might be wondering at this point - what does this have to do with me? Well, I'm like that pumpkin. Pat and I were in the autumn of our marriage. It was Harvest Party time. Our children were bearing children. It was a time of hayrides and happiness, planning for a nice cozy winter together. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the freeze was coming, and I would be facing it without my partner. Widowhood is a bit like sitting there in that small flower bed slowly decaying. The stuff you gave your life to begins to cave in upon you. It was a shell and that shell is no longer of use. At times you feel like there is no point but to sit there in your flower bed and await disintegration.
God thought otherwise. There was life within that pumpkin; there is life within me. There is a future and there is a hope. There is still purpose. When I raked that pumpkin to the roadside, some seed was left behind. That seed fell in a rocky, shaded place. It has sprouted and it has valiantly tried to grow --- but that wasn't the right place for it. I, too, experienced a period where I thought I was in a happy place but it was too rocky, too shady, and unfortunately, not a place with the necessary nourishment to grow and bloom. That part is left behind; it is sad to see it die -- but the Maker has planted me in the place that seems fitting to Him. While it might seem as unlikely a place to grow and bloom as at the end of the driveway, alongside the street, and upon a lawn...growth can and will happen if the Lord desires it to happen.
There is an awful lot in 1 Corinthians 7 that points to the concept of "blooming where you are planted." I want to be like that pumpkin plant and be known by my fruit. Before that pumpkin plant even has pumpkins on it, the plant is recognizable by the fruit that it is prepared to bear. Matthew 7: 16-20 (NKJV) says, " You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them." Even if I am planted in as strange a place as the end of a gravel driveway, I want to be bursting with the fruit of the Spirit so that passersby recognize the fruit, "Hey, that's a follower of Jesus!" and better yet, that fruit will DO GOOD in the world around me. Galatians 5:22-23 says, " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I don't know if you've got an accidental pumpkin patch or something else in your life to give you hope and to remind you that the Maker has a plan and a purpose for you. I hope that you do.
The pumpkin from which this sprang was a beautiful pumpkin. It was painted up for Halloween and placed beside my backdoor in a little flower bed. Halloween ended, the next holidays quickly followed suit. A freeze came - and another - and another. That pumpkin began to disintegrate; it's purpose clearly was over. Spring came and it was a mournful, soggy mess of rot. There it sat in a pile of damp and decaying leaves. Clean-up surely was necessary! On a nice warm day in April, I got out the garden rake and I raked that mix of muck and leaves out to the side of the road where our city road crews come and take away yard trash to be made into compost.
The city clean up didn't arrive and there that pile of leaf matter sat, waiting for something to happen. A few warm days and then a few more. One day I was surprised to see a burst of life springing up from that rotted mess. They were so new, the seeds were still clinging to the sprouts. I confess, my heart skipped a beat or two. I didn't think they would make it, but I so very hoped that they would.
It's been a few short weeks now and my accidental pumpkin patch is thriving. It has grown and spread. I've had to redirect a few vines from crossing the street and place them back on the lawn where I could care less if they take over. After all, that pumpkin that once seemed lifeless and without purpose is GROWING. Children riding scooters down the road even admired it, one shouting with glee, "Hey! That's pumpkins!" That plant is certainly known by its fruit.
Now it is BLOOMING. Beautiful, glorious, ginormous pumpkin flowers are popping up within and without. The beauty is spectacular. My hope is that that blooms will bear fruit, that little pumpkins will begin to appear. If you think I'm happy now, wait until a pumpkin starts!
You might be wondering at this point - what does this have to do with me? Well, I'm like that pumpkin. Pat and I were in the autumn of our marriage. It was Harvest Party time. Our children were bearing children. It was a time of hayrides and happiness, planning for a nice cozy winter together. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the freeze was coming, and I would be facing it without my partner. Widowhood is a bit like sitting there in that small flower bed slowly decaying. The stuff you gave your life to begins to cave in upon you. It was a shell and that shell is no longer of use. At times you feel like there is no point but to sit there in your flower bed and await disintegration.
God thought otherwise. There was life within that pumpkin; there is life within me. There is a future and there is a hope. There is still purpose. When I raked that pumpkin to the roadside, some seed was left behind. That seed fell in a rocky, shaded place. It has sprouted and it has valiantly tried to grow --- but that wasn't the right place for it. I, too, experienced a period where I thought I was in a happy place but it was too rocky, too shady, and unfortunately, not a place with the necessary nourishment to grow and bloom. That part is left behind; it is sad to see it die -- but the Maker has planted me in the place that seems fitting to Him. While it might seem as unlikely a place to grow and bloom as at the end of the driveway, alongside the street, and upon a lawn...growth can and will happen if the Lord desires it to happen.
There is an awful lot in 1 Corinthians 7 that points to the concept of "blooming where you are planted." I want to be like that pumpkin plant and be known by my fruit. Before that pumpkin plant even has pumpkins on it, the plant is recognizable by the fruit that it is prepared to bear. Matthew 7: 16-20 (NKJV) says, " You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them." Even if I am planted in as strange a place as the end of a gravel driveway, I want to be bursting with the fruit of the Spirit so that passersby recognize the fruit, "Hey, that's a follower of Jesus!" and better yet, that fruit will DO GOOD in the world around me. Galatians 5:22-23 says, " But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I don't know if you've got an accidental pumpkin patch or something else in your life to give you hope and to remind you that the Maker has a plan and a purpose for you. I hope that you do.
Saturday, June 23, 2018
Mourning with those that mourn
Today a woman whose husband had been battling cancer came to my cycling class. This was a woman who had eyes that always sparkled, a humor that engaged the rooms. Her presence was always one of energy, brightness, and verve. As I saw her walk toward the gym in front of me, I could see the change in her - the spring was gone from her step. There was a certain resignation in her carriage, a mournful gait in her motion.
I met her outside the studio door. It was her first class since the death of her husband three months ago. The aura of grief enveloping her was palatable as we began to speak. Although she also was dealt a one-two punch as other things in her life collapsed, there was an energy tingling beneath that shroud of sorrow. She is a fighter; she is a survivor. I recognized it in her eyes, through the tears that couldn't help but flow. That sparkle was diminished, but not extinguished. I noticed how she did what I always did - fought back those tears, tried to continue with a steady voice and an inner resilience. Respect for her welled as my heart bled with hers.
My spirit cried out in empathy - this a club you do not want others to join. Let the ranks stay small! It is wrenching to see another woman going through this. Now in the Saturday spin class, there are three of us near in age going through this horror. What a sad commonality to bond over, to find a kinship in!
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15
The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope. (Psalm 34:18)
I met her outside the studio door. It was her first class since the death of her husband three months ago. The aura of grief enveloping her was palatable as we began to speak. Although she also was dealt a one-two punch as other things in her life collapsed, there was an energy tingling beneath that shroud of sorrow. She is a fighter; she is a survivor. I recognized it in her eyes, through the tears that couldn't help but flow. That sparkle was diminished, but not extinguished. I noticed how she did what I always did - fought back those tears, tried to continue with a steady voice and an inner resilience. Respect for her welled as my heart bled with hers.
My spirit cried out in empathy - this a club you do not want others to join. Let the ranks stay small! It is wrenching to see another woman going through this. Now in the Saturday spin class, there are three of us near in age going through this horror. What a sad commonality to bond over, to find a kinship in!
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15
The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope. (Psalm 34:18)
Yesterday it was 23 months since I lost my beloved husband and became a widow. Yesterday I ran into an old friend and no longer did I receive "the look." That look of tender pity was gone. The eyes that met mine no longer recognized me as the dear old friend who was limping through life like an amputee. No, time has passed and now the gaze that met mine did not react to any perceived brokenness in me.
In this two years, I've crawled, I've run. I've banged into walls and leapt over fire. I've not allowed the obstacles that life has thrown at me to become a fence. Instead, like Ben Carson advised, I've chose to hurdle them. I learned to live with a hole in my heart. I was manipulated and lied to, thought I was in love and had my trust abused and betrayed. I dealt with income challenges, job challenges, and relationship challenges.
23 months he has been gone; I am still here. I have survived due to the grace of God.
(Written on June 11)
In this two years, I've crawled, I've run. I've banged into walls and leapt over fire. I've not allowed the obstacles that life has thrown at me to become a fence. Instead, like Ben Carson advised, I've chose to hurdle them. I learned to live with a hole in my heart. I was manipulated and lied to, thought I was in love and had my trust abused and betrayed. I dealt with income challenges, job challenges, and relationship challenges.
23 months he has been gone; I am still here. I have survived due to the grace of God.
(Written on June 11)
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Wilson...
Back to comparing my widowhood with the movie Castaway. It's time to address Wilson. For a long, long time I didn't think there was a Wilson comparison. How very wrong I was!
In Castaway, Chuck is isolated and alone on his island. He desperately needs companionship. Widowhood is very much like that island isolation. One moment you are in a world with your life's companion a purpose, a destination. Next moment you are plunging into an unwelcoming sea of despair. After floating aimlessly through that stormy sea, you find yourself shipwrecked on a foreign piece of soil. Alone. You struggle with that alone-ness. Enter Wilson. Wilson supplied the connection that Chuck so desperately needs --- Companionship through the mundane tasks of survival. Someone to talk to. A sounding board, a presence. A substitute for the real thing. The need not to be alone is so intense that Wilson is a comfort and a bond with the substitute becomes "real" for Chuck.
What is the real thing, anyway? I think that when you are in a place of vulnerability it is easy to be duped. Flattery is powerful; it can sweep you away or suck you in. Elaine Chan and Jaideep Sengupta at the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology and published in the Journal of Marketing Research conducted a study which explored our susceptibility to flattery. The bottomline is that we can be manipulated. Chuck's Wilson was just a soccer ball; that was all that was available to meet Chuck's need for companionship. The Wilsons that the widow meets are far more animated and seemingly better able to fill that need. A widow's Wilson will be a man like those mentioned in Psalm 12:2 - "They speak falsehood to one another; With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak."
In that fragile state of aloneness, disconnected from the spouse we loved so much we are prime targets for smooth-talkers with empty promises. It is easy to forget that our best interests are not at the heart of some men. There are men who merely look at a woman as an object to be obtained. Romans 16:18, "For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting."
Even if she realizes that Wilson is not the real deal, the attachment is still present and the hurt of letting go is sincere and deeply felt. Just as Chuck grieved when Wilson became untethered and floating away in the waves, so the widow will grieve when she chooses life over maintaining the connection. I find it fascinating that the whale awakens Chuck to the fact that Wilson has been set adrift. The whale always seems to be a Watchful Eye, representative of God's Hand. It is like God said, "I allowed this fake companion in your life for a time to comfort you. However, he must go so that you can be free to heal."
In Castaway, Chuck is isolated and alone on his island. He desperately needs companionship. Widowhood is very much like that island isolation. One moment you are in a world with your life's companion a purpose, a destination. Next moment you are plunging into an unwelcoming sea of despair. After floating aimlessly through that stormy sea, you find yourself shipwrecked on a foreign piece of soil. Alone. You struggle with that alone-ness. Enter Wilson. Wilson supplied the connection that Chuck so desperately needs --- Companionship through the mundane tasks of survival. Someone to talk to. A sounding board, a presence. A substitute for the real thing. The need not to be alone is so intense that Wilson is a comfort and a bond with the substitute becomes "real" for Chuck.
What is the real thing, anyway? I think that when you are in a place of vulnerability it is easy to be duped. Flattery is powerful; it can sweep you away or suck you in. Elaine Chan and Jaideep Sengupta at the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology and published in the Journal of Marketing Research conducted a study which explored our susceptibility to flattery. The bottomline is that we can be manipulated. Chuck's Wilson was just a soccer ball; that was all that was available to meet Chuck's need for companionship. The Wilsons that the widow meets are far more animated and seemingly better able to fill that need. A widow's Wilson will be a man like those mentioned in Psalm 12:2 - "They speak falsehood to one another; With flattering lips and with a double heart they speak."
In that fragile state of aloneness, disconnected from the spouse we loved so much we are prime targets for smooth-talkers with empty promises. It is easy to forget that our best interests are not at the heart of some men. There are men who merely look at a woman as an object to be obtained. Romans 16:18, "For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting."
Even if she realizes that Wilson is not the real deal, the attachment is still present and the hurt of letting go is sincere and deeply felt. Just as Chuck grieved when Wilson became untethered and floating away in the waves, so the widow will grieve when she chooses life over maintaining the connection. I find it fascinating that the whale awakens Chuck to the fact that Wilson has been set adrift. The whale always seems to be a Watchful Eye, representative of God's Hand. It is like God said, "I allowed this fake companion in your life for a time to comfort you. However, he must go so that you can be free to heal."
Saturday, May 26, 2018
Oh captivate my mind
Captivating my thoughts
How to seize them? How to stop them
From overwhelming my soul?
Whatsoever is true…
You are gone, you are never coming home,
I’m alone and lost without you
He is with me, He upholds me
You are with Him
Whatever is noble
Move forward, press on toward the prize
That upward call
Noble things, doing what is good
Let my heart be full of compassion
And my eyes well up with love
But whatever is true hits…
And part of that truth is
That I am so alone without you
Whatever is pure
A child’s hand in mine
Whatever is lovely
The beauty of His creation
Whatever is admirable
Being salt and light, being used for His purposes
Whatever is true
My love is in the grave
And I do this on my own
Whether I want to or not
...I don’t, I don’t, I don’t...
But I do
Monday, May 21, 2018
Heart full...
Gratitude. My heart is warm and full with gratitude. The Father knows His plans for us and He places us where He wants us to be, for His purposes. Sometimes we kick and scream because we have our own purposes, our own plans, our own crazy ideas of what we want/need. Last year, I never imagined myself where I am right now. I had different visions of what my future, both near and distant, would hold. Yet here I was today, walking through side roads and main streets in downtown Akron with 9 yr old boys and girls taking turns holding my hands- not because they had to, but because, even if it wasn't "cool," they wanted to. Last year, I didn't know these children - in January, I was new to them. And yet, here I am - loving them, praying for them, and be so blessed by their love for me.
In Genesis we are told how God created this amazing world. He made man and we are told He specifically put him in the Garden. He gave him a job, a purpose. God was directly involved with where Adam was and what he was to do. He puts us where we need to be and where we are needed. When Pat died, I wondered what my purpose was -- sometimes I still wonder. I've always been very much happy with being the "helpmeet" for my spouse. I've definitely been in that "scorched place" that Isaiah 58:11 talks about." And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Sometimes I've wandered there on my own, stupidly going off the path I should've stuck to. Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Like a stubborn sheep I've gone astray, and He has used events, circumstances, mistakes, and failures to herd me back toward the way I should be on.
Anyway, sitting in my reading group this morning, getting my kids excited about animal emotions, showing my 6th graders how they can strengthen their brains and build up the less dominant side (and seeing them have fun with it), and then walking the streets of Akron today surrounded by excited children... I know that right now, in this moment in my life, I'm where I'm supposed to be and I'm grateful.
Sunday, March 11, 2018
God sends those quail...
This morning as I was getting ready for church, I was thinking over situations in my life and those of my loved ones for which I am praying. I then thought about how the Lord had provided truly HUGE answers to prayer and how in the midst of those particular needs I had felt despaired, desperately needy, and frantic. In the midst of the storms, I cried, prayed, struggled with acceptance of non-instant gratification and the possibility that the answer would not be what I desired and vowing, with tears, to trust Him anyway. Standing now where I'm looking backward at those needs and how the Lord has answered prayer, I can just mouth a big breathy, blown-away "WOW!" I want to bottle this. I want to carve it into my very skin and bones so that I don't ever forget that God answers prayer. I want to remember this so that the next time "troubles come in armies" that I will *not* freak out. That I will *not* try to rely on my self. Funny thing about us humans, though, we do forget and the next struggle that comes, we start whining and worrying. In Psalm 77:11-12 David says, "I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
The 77s song, "God Sends Quail,"
You fail
You try half-hearted and fail
One foot drags behind you
One foot tripping in front of you
You fail
You spit out manna, God sends quails
That's how the Israelites were. God delivers them mightily. Get a little further down the road. Wail and moan about the first "problem" they confront. Forget about the God who just set your free. Wait! He hears your whining and answers again. What? Something else upsets you? Wail, whine, throw in some disobedience...and forget your gratitude. God sends quail. That's right, God sends quail. So, why, why, why don't we remember and trust?
When I went to church today, my pastor was preaching on Exodus 17 and the church's need to be a praying church. He asked, "Will we look to God or look to ourselves?" which is exactly what I had been pondering this morning. Reading the passage about the battle with the Amalekites and how when Moses' arms were lifted upward in supplication that the Israelites prevailed, so Aaron and Hur came alongside him to keep his arms lifted. The Lord was with them, they won. My eyes zoomed in on verse 14a, "Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it." AND there it was, summing up what was on my mind this morning. Baby, write this down! Not only do I need to commit to memory what the Lord has done, but I need to share it with my prayer partners.
Note to self: Next time - and there usually is a next time (John 16:33 " In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world") - pull out those memories, talk about the things He has done in mighty ways, and instead of despair, instead of frantically trying to figure it out in a self-reliant way, TRUST. Cast those anxieties on Him, trust (can't say it enough), and obey. I definitely have some answer to prayer that are amazing to remind myself what a mighty God I serve and that He definitely does NOT give a stone when I ask for bread.
The 77s song, "God Sends Quail,"
You fail
You try half-hearted and fail
One foot drags behind you
One foot tripping in front of you
You fail
You spit out manna, God sends quails
That's how the Israelites were. God delivers them mightily. Get a little further down the road. Wail and moan about the first "problem" they confront. Forget about the God who just set your free. Wait! He hears your whining and answers again. What? Something else upsets you? Wail, whine, throw in some disobedience...and forget your gratitude. God sends quail. That's right, God sends quail. So, why, why, why don't we remember and trust?
When I went to church today, my pastor was preaching on Exodus 17 and the church's need to be a praying church. He asked, "Will we look to God or look to ourselves?" which is exactly what I had been pondering this morning. Reading the passage about the battle with the Amalekites and how when Moses' arms were lifted upward in supplication that the Israelites prevailed, so Aaron and Hur came alongside him to keep his arms lifted. The Lord was with them, they won. My eyes zoomed in on verse 14a, "Write this on a scroll as something to be remembered and make sure that Joshua hears it." AND there it was, summing up what was on my mind this morning. Baby, write this down! Not only do I need to commit to memory what the Lord has done, but I need to share it with my prayer partners.
Note to self: Next time - and there usually is a next time (John 16:33 " In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world") - pull out those memories, talk about the things He has done in mighty ways, and instead of despair, instead of frantically trying to figure it out in a self-reliant way, TRUST. Cast those anxieties on Him, trust (can't say it enough), and obey. I definitely have some answer to prayer that are amazing to remind myself what a mighty God I serve and that He definitely does NOT give a stone when I ask for bread.
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
A dog returns to his vomit...
"As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness." Proverbs 26:11
"For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning.
For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: "A dog returns to his own vomit," and, "a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire." 2 Peter 2:20-22
A fool lacks moral fiber and discipline. A fool lacks integrity, that "doing what is right even when no one is looking." (Completely forgetting that the Lord is indeed looking). God does not want us to be fools. He provides us the Holy Spirit to teach us, to guide us in the way of righteousness. It is a sickening thought to think of a dog returning to eat what he just barfed up. Going back into sin, failing to repent and repeat the same sins - these things should be as repulsive to us as the thought of eating vomit. Being overcome with sin, being unrepentant and unholy, leads to a worse end than the beginning. That should worry us!
The Father has set a lavish feast before us - why eat vomit? He's washed us and clothed us in Christ, why go roll in the mud?
"For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning.
For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: "A dog returns to his own vomit," and, "a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire." 2 Peter 2:20-22
A fool lacks moral fiber and discipline. A fool lacks integrity, that "doing what is right even when no one is looking." (Completely forgetting that the Lord is indeed looking). God does not want us to be fools. He provides us the Holy Spirit to teach us, to guide us in the way of righteousness. It is a sickening thought to think of a dog returning to eat what he just barfed up. Going back into sin, failing to repent and repeat the same sins - these things should be as repulsive to us as the thought of eating vomit. Being overcome with sin, being unrepentant and unholy, leads to a worse end than the beginning. That should worry us!
The Father has set a lavish feast before us - why eat vomit? He's washed us and clothed us in Christ, why go roll in the mud?
Monday, February 12, 2018
God Sends Quails
You fail
You try half-hearted and fail
One foot drags behind you
One foot tripping in front of you
You fail
You spit out manna, God sends quails
Dry bones pile up behind you
More wet mirages in front of you
You can't go back
You can't go back
You failed
You sunk like Jonah to the whale
Big mouths follow behind you
Still small voice swallowed up by you
You failed
You picked the right time to fail
Got your past behind you
Got your future in front of you
You can't go back
You can go on
Sunday, February 11, 2018
The lie that people comfort each other with...
The lie that people comfort each other with: God will not give you more than you can handle.
This is absolutely false, faulty theology turned into tragic mythology - one of the clever ways the enemy takes a nugget of Scripture, strips away what it really says, and twists it. God will most certainly give you more than you can bear...why? Because He doesn't want you to bear it. He wants you to recognize your need for HIM and that Christ's power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9-10). The twisted scripture where this myth that God won't allow trials that are more than you can "handle" comes from is 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." That's it folks - He will not allow you to be TEMPTED TO SIN beyond what you can withstand. You are always left with a choice: to sin OR not to sin. However, when it comes to struggles, trials, persecutions. In 2 Corinthians 1:8b the Apostle Paul reports, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself." It was THE LORD who delivered Paul and his companions from each and every difficulty. In the next verse, Paul tells us, "Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." Why? To show us that He is with us - that HE is in control. Next verse: "He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us." It goes on to say that this will cause many to GIVE THANKS to Him for His gracious favor.
How conveniently the scripture has been reworked into foxhole Christianity mythology from God always providing a way out of temptation, a way to refrain from sinning! Humans want excuses to sin, we want to blame something/someone, we don't want to take responsibility.
I could pour out here a huge offering of scripture to the believer about how God uses struggles/trials to perfect us, to lead us closer to Him, to remember our first love should be for Him, to build godly character, etc. But to the unbeliever or the "casual" believer who "believes in God" but doesn't have a life committed to Him (even the demons believe and shudder), God uses these things to show your need for a relationship with Him. He alone can give peace. He says, "Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." He wants to make you more than a conqueror - not just for today's overwhelming troubles - but for tomorrow's. If you have believed and shared that lie, that God won't give you more than you can handle and if you are feeling overwhelmed, perplexed, exhausted, confused... don't stop at the realization that false comfort was just a pretty story. Go to the One who conquered death, loves you and badly wants you to draw near to Him. THERE IS HOPE. He will deliver you if you submit yourself to Him. There are really only two choices in this world. You are going to serve someone or something: Choose God or Choose Sin.
Romans 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This is absolutely false, faulty theology turned into tragic mythology - one of the clever ways the enemy takes a nugget of Scripture, strips away what it really says, and twists it. God will most certainly give you more than you can bear...why? Because He doesn't want you to bear it. He wants you to recognize your need for HIM and that Christ's power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor 12:9-10). The twisted scripture where this myth that God won't allow trials that are more than you can "handle" comes from is 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." That's it folks - He will not allow you to be TEMPTED TO SIN beyond what you can withstand. You are always left with a choice: to sin OR not to sin. However, when it comes to struggles, trials, persecutions. In 2 Corinthians 1:8b the Apostle Paul reports, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself." It was THE LORD who delivered Paul and his companions from each and every difficulty. In the next verse, Paul tells us, "Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." Why? To show us that He is with us - that HE is in control. Next verse: "He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us again. On Him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us." It goes on to say that this will cause many to GIVE THANKS to Him for His gracious favor.
How conveniently the scripture has been reworked into foxhole Christianity mythology from God always providing a way out of temptation, a way to refrain from sinning! Humans want excuses to sin, we want to blame something/someone, we don't want to take responsibility.
I could pour out here a huge offering of scripture to the believer about how God uses struggles/trials to perfect us, to lead us closer to Him, to remember our first love should be for Him, to build godly character, etc. But to the unbeliever or the "casual" believer who "believes in God" but doesn't have a life committed to Him (even the demons believe and shudder), God uses these things to show your need for a relationship with Him. He alone can give peace. He says, "Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." He wants to make you more than a conqueror - not just for today's overwhelming troubles - but for tomorrow's. If you have believed and shared that lie, that God won't give you more than you can handle and if you are feeling overwhelmed, perplexed, exhausted, confused... don't stop at the realization that false comfort was just a pretty story. Go to the One who conquered death, loves you and badly wants you to draw near to Him. THERE IS HOPE. He will deliver you if you submit yourself to Him. There are really only two choices in this world. You are going to serve someone or something: Choose God or Choose Sin.
Romans 8:31-39
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Saturday, February 10, 2018
Resilience...
This week I created a lesson on Dr. Ben Carson for Black History Month. My goal was to show to these children how Dr. Carson applied Leader in Me Habits s such as "put first things first," "begin with the end in mind," "synergize," and "be proactive." (Aside: they were VERY engaged, made me so happy. I combined it with discovering their talents and helping others find theirs).
Ben Carson wrote this: “Success is determined not by whether or not you face obstacles, but by your reaction to them. And if you look at these obstacles as a containing fence, they become your excuse for failure. If you look at them as a hurdle, each one strengthens you for the next.” This quote really spoke to me. Then it hit me: RESILIENCE. If I think of poems, stories, movies, etc, that I have been drawn for my whole life, the vast majority of them paint pictures of resilience. My favorite poem of all time, "IF--" by Rudyard Kipling exemplifies resilience. The Childhood of Famous Americans series that I read through as a child featured biographies of resilient men and women. The Lord of the Rings, Song of Albion, Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Unbroken, Invictus. The people I've always admired - John Adams, Robert the Bruce, Winston Churchill. Steadfastness in the face of uncertainty, stalwart determination, stick-to-it-iveness. Endurance. Intestinal fortitude. Keeping a stiff upper lip. All great, but there has to be HOPE, there has to be something bigger that keeps that lip stiff and that head up.
So it is not surprising that the Bible verses which have spoken to me most all speak of resilience and where it comes from.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.
Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Ephesians 6:13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
No doubt that I've always been drawn to this quality of determination and strength - but I've seen in my life that it is nothing without Christ. "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." That's where the strength comes from.
The instant I heard "In the Eye of the Storm" in chapel last year, it became one of my favorite songs...
"When my hopes and dreams are far from me
And I'm running out of faith
I see the future I pictured slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are pouring down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm"
What a beautiful picture of resilience. An anchor. What is an anchor for? To prevent a craft from drifting due to wind or current. To keep one on course. Headed in the right direction. Prevented from going adrift and making a shipwreck of your life. Ephesians 6:19 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
There needs to be a "course"...but that is writing for a different day. :)
Ben Carson wrote this: “Success is determined not by whether or not you face obstacles, but by your reaction to them. And if you look at these obstacles as a containing fence, they become your excuse for failure. If you look at them as a hurdle, each one strengthens you for the next.” This quote really spoke to me. Then it hit me: RESILIENCE. If I think of poems, stories, movies, etc, that I have been drawn for my whole life, the vast majority of them paint pictures of resilience. My favorite poem of all time, "IF--" by Rudyard Kipling exemplifies resilience. The Childhood of Famous Americans series that I read through as a child featured biographies of resilient men and women. The Lord of the Rings, Song of Albion, Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, Unbroken, Invictus. The people I've always admired - John Adams, Robert the Bruce, Winston Churchill. Steadfastness in the face of uncertainty, stalwart determination, stick-to-it-iveness. Endurance. Intestinal fortitude. Keeping a stiff upper lip. All great, but there has to be HOPE, there has to be something bigger that keeps that lip stiff and that head up.
So it is not surprising that the Bible verses which have spoken to me most all speak of resilience and where it comes from.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.
Philippians 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Ephesians 6:13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.
Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
No doubt that I've always been drawn to this quality of determination and strength - but I've seen in my life that it is nothing without Christ. "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will remember the name of the LORD our God." That's where the strength comes from.
The instant I heard "In the Eye of the Storm" in chapel last year, it became one of my favorite songs...
"When my hopes and dreams are far from me
And I'm running out of faith
I see the future I pictured slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are pouring down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm"
What a beautiful picture of resilience. An anchor. What is an anchor for? To prevent a craft from drifting due to wind or current. To keep one on course. Headed in the right direction. Prevented from going adrift and making a shipwreck of your life. Ephesians 6:19 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
There needs to be a "course"...but that is writing for a different day. :)
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